


Hellbent

by Adverant



Category: Youtube RPF
Genre: Can't really say that last one is in "later chapters", Cliche As Shit, Finally has plot or something now?, Highschool AU, I apologize for this horribleness, I should fix the early chapters for that RIP, I'm much better at writing porn now, M/M, Mark is not as bad as the first chapter implies, Maybe occasional fluff, Non-Graphic Rape/Non-Con, Self-Harm, Smut, but it's ALSO in later chapters
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-10
Updated: 2017-08-04
Packaged: 2018-04-08 15:19:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 32,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4310226
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Adverant/pseuds/Adverant
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jack drinks too much, and he's not loyal. It's not that he doesn't love Mark, of course he does, but the people he's around have always made it hard to be in 'healthy' relationships. Even when they are getting back on their feet, and things are going well again, there's always the same person who comes back to screw it all up. Somehow every time, he's pushing Mark to the edge, and making promises that mean nothing anymore.</p><p>(Changed the summary now that this actually has more story to it... and now that I know exactly what the end will be)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Viral Video

**Author's Note:**

  * For [salem_the_sail_boat](https://archiveofourown.org/users/salem_the_sail_boat/gifts), [Jarksarptacar](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jarksarptacar/gifts), [Roosterbytes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Roosterbytes/gifts).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Excuse that pointless rambled Summary. But it's all I got for you. I will be doing inappropriate and sexual fanfiction sometimes so if it surprised you seeing this keep in mind- putting yourself in the most uncomfortable situations through writing often makes it easier in life. Also, it CAN make your writing better, in the ways that it's less jerky and awkward (the writing, I mean, no innuendos hush up) so as a challenge to me and to make you all uncomfortable, here we go!~
> 
> (but then, also, if you like it *wink wink* that's an added bonus for yew) >w>
> 
> And the song to listen to while reading this is... basically any by Mystery Skulls (Hellbent, Future, Body High,) but I WROTE this to the song Fantasy. Again, sorry to all the out-of-character teenage douchey-ness this is.
> 
> -Vera

It wasn't supposed to be like this, it was just another dumb-ass party, and he was just going to prove a point. He'd all but  _murdered_ that point last night, any hope of convincing Mark to believe him now would be useless. Speaking of which, he was still avoiding him. Jack wasn't scared to face his partner in the slightest, or the concept of it anyway, but what he was scared of was the silent rage that came in Mark's wake.

He'd only ever seen Mark truly angry once and was quick to defuse him, but then he'd been silent, and Jack had wished he'd done something- screamed in his face, even hit him if he had to. This time was different, he didn't want Mark to make a scene but he knew it wasn't worth it to be silent this time. It wasn't like these people around him in the school halls didn't already know, it was scattered through the whole school, everyone had known about it.

People had downloaded it before it got blocked from that stupid video site that everyone seemed to use nowadays, and shared it with their friends, purely because of the reputation he'd made for himself here. The party had been absolutely wild, he'd drank a lot he remembered, even smoked with some of the kids from that school group, The Grumps. Suzy had been the first to offer him a cigarette, and Danny had poked fun at her for being weak on the trend, instead handing him a blunt.

It wasn't like he could forget things like that, regardless of his drunken state, but he wished he would forget it all. At least then he had an excuse for what he'd done, but he didn't have something to blame now, it had been completely of his will. His insistence, even. He still couldn't reason with himself to come up with a liable excuse, only for himself to believe if no one else especially not Mark.

He'd woken the next morning passed out, his state was unruly and he would have shame for it if it weren't for his pounding headache and nausea. He'd picked up his hat before he left, at least, but was sure that one of those black converse were still missing, it was good he had a pair of skaters back home. He'd gotten hell from his parents when he got home but it was a dull hum in his mind, their voices saying things that probably made a lot of sense but he was too sense _less_ to even give a shite.

He went up to his room, changed his shirt because the one he wore reeked of stomach acid, likely his own. He threw on a stray tee and jeans, picked up his school bag and immediately left, lacking any food that he might vomit later and he certainly didn't need more hell than he already had and would receive today. He didn't see that gay as fuck Asian the whole morning, and was almost relieved, would be more so if he wasn't so tense and anxious for the confrontation that was inevitable today.

The other kids around him didn't give him much hell, and he wished they would, if only to prepare him for the roasting he'd get later. Few laughed, those who did were of the feminine variation, those of the 'spectrum' watched him like a plague passing through the hall, while most who weren't avoided him. Some hipsters, like The Grumps and other school cliche cliques, would give him cat-calls and whistles.

One of the jock kids tried to feel him up as a joke, humoring friends likely, and he felt cold and sickened by the attempt. He'd shoved the kid away, looking down and walking at a slightly quicker pace to get away from a few more whistles. The whispers were everywhere, it took him a while to realize they were in his head too, but sure enough  _there_ they were, taunting him.

_"Hey, pretty boy! Look at you, all looking like shite and the boy toy of every person looking for an easy target for a school wide joke to make them popular."_

He shook his head to himself at that, letting out a dissatisfied snort, not even his own mind could insult him enough to give a bracing against the white noise of the storm. Of course speak of the devil, because as he turned that corner, towards the stairs that lead to the second floor and the ladder he knew would be on that floor to the roof...

Mark walking down the steps like an avenging angel, in all white like some saint or something, faded pearl grey denim pants and white skaters and all.  _He does it on purpose_ , Jack mused to himself,  _makes himself the light in the darkness that everyone sides with_. He took a deep breath as he finally looked up properly to Mark's face, just as he was spotted by said guy.

It wouldn't matter what he wore, Jack decided, as students around them began to back off towards the sides of the hall and anywhere but in the line of fire, it was the look on Mark's face as he approached him. It was the stance, as if he were to throw a punch but Jack knew he wouldn't, he wouldn't put his school reputation at risk for this. He was in so good with the records and what not, never late never missed a day, came even if he was puking up guts, and kept up the top grades.

There was a crowd forming, he realized, buried into his sweater that had a stench of alcohol still emanating from it. Mark looked like he was about to speak when his eyes flicked to someone pushing through the crowd, eyes averted to avoid catching any eye contact, as Jack saw a hand extend towards him holding a black converse shoe.  _His_ black converse shoe. His eyes flicked up the wrist and arm of said person to meet what he recognized as Ken's eyes. They held sympathy and understanding, it made him sick.

"Here Jack," He mumbled, and looked away, unfortunately meeting Mark's deep glare. The change in Ken's stance from defeated to anxious wasn't surprising, Mark's glare did that to people. He took this moment to speak, not to him, but to Ken which was unexpected by everyone. "Where did you find that, Ken?" Mark asked coolly, causing him to shudder as Ken stood straight and looked away over Jack's shoulder. "It um. Th' shoe well, was on the corner of my bed. This morning when I got up."

He felt the cold gaze returned to Jack who kept his gaze at his feet. "Is that so? Okay." The calmness was unsettling, and Jack braced for the worst as Ken stepped back out of view from his peripheral vision. "And, Sean," he started again, which sparked the tiniest bit of fight in Jack. He'd made it abundantly clear to everyone when he arrived here that he was not to be called by his actual name but by the nickname he'd grown up with. Somehow, this moment defied that though, and the cruel look he was given scared that fighting part of him back into the shadows of his mind. "why don't you  _inform_ me why it is that your shoe was with Ken?"

"I was  _drunk_." He muttered in defense, tearing his glance from Mark to glare daggers into his feet. "Really." It was rhetorical, he knew. The suspense was killing him, along with the jittery energy of the other students around him watching to see the school badass torn down from his high horse by the head of Student Council. He's always been good at being bad, he'd decided, but then was he all that great at it if this is where it landed him from last night. "And high as the fucking clouds, is that what you want to hear, Fischbach?" He sighed in defeat, and there it was. There was that boiling hot rage that Mark hid so well yet it flowed off him in waves where he stood.

"No,  _McLoughlin_ , it is not what I 'want to hear'. You think what I want to hear is that you were wasted and high off your ass with a dick down your throat last night? That after I asked you not to, you went to yet another party and promised me you weren't to drink any alcohol." It was spite and disgust in his voice, and Sean knew the tone well. "You promised me this was the last time, remember?" His voice had gone soft, and Jack noticed he was closer than before when he looked up, but his arms crossed over his chest.

"I know, and I meant it. Mark, I swear-" That was his mistake, trying to make another empty promise lost to deaf ears. They could have gone quietly about the rest of the conversation where Jack listened, and Mark stated all his disappointment. Instead, Jack opened his pretty fucking mouth and spout bullshit. Mark stepped away with a bark of laughter that made some uneasy, but Jack stayed still. "No. Don't you say another damn thing. That's not how this is going to go. You're not going to bullshit me back to your arms like every other time. And that's what they all want to hear isn't it?"

Mark's gaze passed over those around him, meeting few glances. "That  _Sean_ William McLoughlin, the school delinquent was fucking the school representative, Mark Edward Fischbach. Oh but you should have  _heard_ him, you wouldn't believe how loud he is." Mark chuckled coldly, more ranting than making any points now, and those who stood listening had nothing to say of it. " _Oooh, harder, mmf-faster-_!! And you thought I'd be the one getting cock, but he is such a dick whore. And so  _touchy_ when he's being fucked, isn't he, Ken?" Ken only stared at his feet which earned him a sneer, as Mark crossed and uncrossed his arms.

"You just love sucking dick, don't you, Sean? Have you seen it yet, the video Felix posted this morning at one in the morning?" He shook his head, he didn't need to. He knows what he did if not in full detail, but Mark takes it as injustice, opening the lock screen on his phone. He walks to Jack, grabbing his jaw with one hand and jerking it to look at the phone he holds in his other hand. He would back away, if Mark's solid arm behind his shoulders didn't stop him.

He was helpless to do anything as Mark hit play, and the video loaded for a minute, the guilt and anxiety building up in Jack's mind. He was starting to panic, wanting to move if just to get away from the feeling of pure hate that Mark radiated at the moment. The video started showing Felix with his clothed torso against Ken's bare back, his chin resting on Ken's shoulder as the other male had his head leaned back on his shoulder, lips parted slightly as he breathed heavily.

The camera view showed Felix kneeling behind Ken on his bed, only from mid-torso up as Felix reached for the phone saying, _"Gimme the phone Danny, c'mere."_ _  
_

The view was switched as he took the phone and Danny jumped to sit beside him and Ken on the bed, lo and behold the black shoe on the corner of the bed to his left. _"Look at this-!!"_  Felix laughed, the camera going out of focus, and Ken making some loud throaty noise in the background. Felix combed his fingers through Ken's hair, whispering  _"Shhh"_   into his ear.

The camera switched again, the unfocused lens showing a grey carpet floor cluttered with clothes, Jack's current sweater and other shoe included. After shuffling around a bit, Felix had his arms over Ken's shoulders, holding the phone at collarbone height facing down. There he was, of course, drunken and an idiot he remarked to himself, sucking dick. And well, if Ken's response was anything to judge by.

Some of the people behind them who could see the video whistled low or said things like "damn" and the such, while many others whispered to friends, and he was sure Ken was red as hell. If not, Jack's face felt as if it were hot enough for the both of them. "Look at that, Sean, look at you, doing what you do best. Well almost. You know what you really, truly do best besides fuck things up?" He said nothing, giving Mark no response to go on, but he continued anyway.

Mark put his mouth against his ear, his breath hot running over the already flushed skin. "Your best talent is riding my cock like the slut you are. Why don't you tell them the real reason you disappear for a few days at a time, hmm? Tell them, about how you stay home to rest your sore ass after I fuck you over the weekends, rather lay there than have to hide your pain from people when you so much as  _move_ after I absolutely  _wreck_ you. Why don't you just tell them?" _  
_

Jack tried to push away now, feeling sick and more than a bit dizzy. He was sure he would vomit right there, all over Mark's bleach white shirt and stainless jeans. He almost didn't care if it meant he could get away and go anywhere but here. However Mark wouldn't let him pull away instead turning him back to the video, where the camera was out of focus again as whoever held it moved from where they were.

Danny laughed as he stood at the shoe corner of the bed as Ken fucked him, fingers clawing at the other man's back. "Mark, Mark stop." Ken spoke weakly, standing further away than before, but unable to leave because the crowd refused to move for him to get away. Mark ignored him though, only held him where he was tighter, forced to watch out the scene again from an outside view.

Danny had gotten onto the bed to put the camera near Jack's face, as he now heard Felix speak again.  _"Hey Jack, Jack why don't you tell the wooorld how good it is being fucked, huh? Tell us all about it, c'mon bud."_  Jack felt a fresh jab of disgust towards himself as the recorded him let out quiet mews and cries, turning his head to the side as Ken bit his neck up and down, sucking and leaving hickeys as he went.  _"Aaah! Oh god, M- mmm... S-so... unnngh..."_  Felix laughed,  _"Aw, man you are so **smashed** right_ _now!"_

He himself had started moving against Ken by now, arching his back and pushing down to meet each of Ken's thrusts that had long since lost rhythm.  _"Ohh, aah, aaah oh-nnn... Aah! R-right there, oh goood, th... mmm, guh-"_ The smaller male had seemed to have lost any ability to process words and Felix veered at him while Danny laughed, handing him the camera again. _"Danny, you should fuck his mouth an' keep him quiet! Actually-"_ The camera lost focus for a second before it was lied on the bed to stare at the ceiling.

There was the sound of clothes shifting and Ken grunted as Felix laughed saying _"Ken, man, sit back."_ It was relatively quiet besides the usual sounds of heavy breathing and the general noise you expect from Jack being fucked, and then there was Danny's comment as Felix picked up the phone camera again of, _"Oh shit, man you're serious right now?"_ The camera refocused on Jack's face, contorted into something of pleasure and discomfort, with a dick, likely Felix's own, pressed to the side of his face.

 _"Come on, Jacky, open up."_ Felix coaxed, shifting slightly to get more balance with one knee on either side of Jack's shoulders, moving one of his hands to Felix's hip while his other hand disappeared past Felix on the camera's view. With his free hand, the Swedish male lifted Jack's head towards his dick more, grinding against his lower jaw. _"C'mon, don't disappoint the camera an' everyone watching, Jacky-boy! They all wanna see you on your **best** performance~"_ He joked, coaxing Jack further, who finally gave in to take Felix's cock into his mouth.

He cursed softly in Swedish as Jack deep throated him and he gripped the Irish man's hair, pulling slightly as he shifted slightly to get at a better angle that he could continue to hold the camera. As he was sucked off though, he near dropped the phone, and Danny stepped in, _"Here man I'll take it."_ Danny took the phone, making faces into the out of focus phone-lens before switching the view to show Felix holding his head with both hands and face-fucking him with a passion.

Jack had long since stopped paying attention, he was going to pass out. Or puke. Or both, for that matter, the view of Mark's sleek white phone swirled and blurred in and out before him. He took shallow, shuddering breaths to calm himself as people around him chatted away about the situation, making jokes about him being double-fucked and the such that highschoolers generally would.

Mark was watching Jack's unfocused expression, and shook him slightly with his free hand, he wanted Jack to feel sick and disgusted with himself. More importantly, he wanted everyone here to see it, see Jack's own reaction to watching himself be taken advantage of by not one but two of the people he'd probably called friend last night. Mark himself hadn't seen the video yet, and was enjoying seeing Jack's reactions along with it as he had yet to hold any other thoughts on it besides ones that said how much of a man whore Jack was.

The video before him came into focus again when Mark shook him slightly, whether it was on purpose or not he was unsure, but never the less the view was still no better. Worse, if possible, because this was the part he didn't remember. He didn't remember swallowing around Felix's penis shoved deep down his throat until the older of the two came with a grunt and heavy breath falls, and he didn't remember Ken jacking him off as they fucked.

He didn't remember when Ken came in him, putting a few last thrusts and finishing him off with his hand. He didn't remember cumming on his own front and Ken's hand, and more importantly he didn't remember his noise. He was never quiet, he knew, and as Mark had stated before he didn't hold back anything when he was fucked, he always let Mark know how good it felt. This was no exception.

He winced as he watched his own self letting out gasps and shudders as he approached his finish, calling out in pleasure. _"Uh... uh... aaah! Oooh, oh, Mm- oh M-Mark, oh god, f-fffuck, sssoo fucking... uh... nnng... so g-good, oh, Mmaaark, please... fff- uuuhmmnnn, Mark! Oh god, oh god, Mark!"_ He practically screamed to the heavens as he clawed at Ken's arms, leaving long risen red marks some had even drawn a bit of blood. Jack's back was arched high off the bed as he came with all that noise and reaction, Felix laughing loud and obnoxious from where he was propped up still half nude beside Jack, Danny whispering, _"Wow, that... woah."_

Mark grinned, that's what he thought, after all. "Oh well look at that, Jacky-boy. Even with a fucker like Ken you can't help but give me a show, can you? Oh, you know I'm right- hey, keep watching." He jerked Jack's face to point to the phone, but at this moment his stomach was all but inside out and he felt like a ticking time bomb. He weakly clawed at Mark's hand to pull it from his lower jaw, but it remained where it was. Forcing him to watch even the aftermath.

 _"I know right?"_ The camera skipped to a while later, Felix holding the phone again. It was pointed to a nude sleeping Jack sprawled lewdly across Ken, and Danny sleeping in the big comfy chair nearby. _"It's midnight at these three finally clocked out. I just went down to make sure everyone left, Suzy and Arin were waiting for fuck buddy Dan over there-"_ The camera swiveled to the tell tale Danny, half off the chair he slept on with his head tilted back and mouth wide open... with whipped cream in it.

 _"-I told 'em to head off, so they left about ten minutes ago, an' when I headed up here, well look-! They are passed out, absolutely done. I'm gonna turn off Dan's phone and prop up my own phone to record the morning-after story. This should be good."_ Felix turned away and headed out into the hall, which was open on one side with a white fence like barrier to keep idiots- like himself- falling off. He pointed the phone to the disaster below, pizza and popcorn and unnamed foods scattered, a few broken glasses and tipped plastic cups here and there, along with stray blankets and pillows, couch cushions and the like everywhere.

He switched the camera and it jostled around on a view of his shoulder as he walked down the carpet stairs to the hardwood below and strode into the kitchen, picking up a cup and jokingly toasting the camera. _"G'niiight, and jolly fucks! Haha, bros this... aaah, I'll see you tomorrow, 'm gon' set the camera an' crash."_ He stated, and the camera switched frames to a much more peaceful, pleasantly lit room where Jack lay with legs tangled with Ken's own, and his head settled against the other's chest.

Slight bird song sounded, and quiet snores could be heard above them slightly. One of the synced snores cut off abruptly, and Jack tried to sit up, his quick movement finding him stuck with his and Ken's legs twined and a hand on either side of said man. He curse quietly, pulling away carefully and slowly, crawling to sit at the end of the bed closer to the camera. He sat on the edge, and winced with a hissing intake of air at the pressure, quickly standing up so his face was above the phone's view.

He bent over to pick up his clothes and one shoe, pulling on both socks and his jeans, forgetting his boxers entirely, abandoned near the chair that Danny was barely still on. He picked up the shirt he'd worn the night before. The bottom of it dripped a foul liquid and he gagged, but held his breath and pulled it over his head regardless. The sweater he simply carried, and he slid on the one shoe, briefly scanning the room for the second shoe before giving up not realizing it's presence right behind him.

He pulled his own phone out of his pocked and made a pained expression. _"Christ, Mark..."_ He then ran his fingers through his hair and looked up at the ceiling for a second as he slipped the phone into his back pocket. _"Shite..."_ He turned and looked over at Ken, then bent to pick up a nearby blanket and tossed it at the nude male. He then left out the door down the hall supposedly, out of the camera's view. The camera sped past Dan waking up by falling off the chair, with a mouthful of whipped cream courtesy of Mr. Camera Man, and he quickly stood as Felix walked in.

They seemed to have a conversation that ended with Felix laughing hysterically, and both left the room at Felix's gesture towards something. Time went to normal pace and Ken sat up, stretching with a yawn. He seemed to find it the normal morning, except glancing down at, and frowning at, the pair of undergarments he stepped on walking around his bed. He walked around, approaching the shoe of which he stared at blankly for a moment, then with a bit of horror and realization.

 _"That was crazy, wasn't it? Oh wow! I never knew Jackaboy could blow like that, and damn, never knew he were so loud for the school **represent**. Oh well, that makes another video with unexpected turns huh? See ya bros, bro-fist!"_ Felix put his fist to the screen, and Jack felt Mark's pressure on him release as he put the phone away. It was only then that he realized past the hum of the students reacting to his own reaction, that Mark's pressure on his shoulder blades was all that had been centering him just then.

As soon as it was gone he wobbled, then his throat began to burn and he spat a flood of bile onto the floor tiles, followed by words of displeasure from nearby people. He looked over at Mark, who seemed more smug and mellow now, and past him, to a sympathetic and, as he'd thought, flustered Ken. Ken pushed past Mark and reached for him, "Jack-" It was all surreal, so very unreal to him right now.

He could hear Mark's cruel taunts, "So you sucked Ken, does he taste like cinnamon sugar like he brags? I'm amazed no one thought to ask. And you got face fucked by Kjellberg, but let's face it, you've rut with, fucked, sucked, been sucked, and been fucked by Felix so many times now it's old news. But, only to me, isn't that right?" There were several exclamations of surprise. "So what, Mark, he's a good fuck buddy, no wonder you liked him." Felix shrugged, grinning along. Of course, for him, this was all a part of his stride.

It finally all focused in on a point as Ken placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, but he immediately panicked and pushed Ken away. It was as if he'd finally, truly sobered up. Seeing Ken with new eyes all the sudden, seeing him with the eyes of a friend that was taken advantage of, because he had been. He pushed him away when Ken tried to approach him again, and Jack took off. He shoved some guy aside, not slowing for a second as he hit a door to the exterior and met fresh air. No one chased him.

The bell toned and Mark sneered at Ken, pushing him out of the way as he began walking, "Get the fuck to class, there's nothing to see here, just a slut whoring himself over." He moved towards the class he had next, shifting his school bag on his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Mark is a douche. I mean, anyone would be, Jack is kinda whore. *cough* Also sorry for that... and Ken... and Felix... and Danny-as-accomplice... And anything that happens in chapter two... So! Uh. Sorry. Wade, Bob, etc. will be in the next chapter.
> 
> And here I am staring at this thinking. "Is there a reason I should post this if it's just personal putting myself in uncomfortable places to write better? Yeah. Of course. So there you go.
> 
> -Vera


	2. Revenge

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For everyone else, life will settle back to the way it was. They might have slightly altered opinions on those who were involved in the events, but for them the world keeps turning. For some it might not just fade into background noise, and will haunt them for who knows how long.
> 
> Jack'll never look a damn person in the face again, he swears it. He never keeps his promises though, that's what got him into this mess in the first place. It might be the thing that get him out of it too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna make the point now I hope not to make these chapters 4400 words each from now on but I got carried away on the first one~ Also decided half way through to make it multichapter.
> 
> Poor Jack though, and dammit Mark though, and just. Really Felix? Those are the kinds of thoughts I think about the personas I've given them. You too? Welcome to the We're-All-A-Little-Weird-Up Club!
> 
> Also, I was hoping to really connect you to the characters here this chapter, y'know... besides the uh, *wink wink* up close an personal *nudge nudge* moments. I'm terrible- but in the sake of creativity dammit!  
> (Also, slight non-con in this one so... don't read if it strikes any nerves, kay? Look after yerself)
> 
> -Vera

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

_The world is so quiet, but that one sound-_

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

_It's like the sound of gunshot._

_Drip. Drip. Drip._

_Jack can't just tune it out, not this time._

_Drip... Drip... Drip._

_This'll be the last time. He. Swears. It._

* * *

 

It's been a long day, he decides, as class finally ended. His entire body ached, a new kind of ache he didn't quite understand. It was in the looks that people gave him that he saw everything had changed before, but no, it was in the looks his  _friends_  gave him that he saw  _he_ had changed. He'd never been happier to hear the usual school bell's toll, loud and ringing in his ears for a while after the silence cut it off.

He needed air, and he needed it badly. Along with sleep, food, and water, but fresh air was a good start to all of that, he'd have to walk home. He ignored the concerned look from friends who didn't know, and he ignored wary glances of those who had been there. All he needed was out, away from all these people to be on his own. He thought he'd escaped, as he'd picked up his school bag and rushed out the doors.

He thought he was free of the torment of sitting in those damn classrooms full of other kids who would never look at him the same way after today. He walked fast, arriving behind one of the unused portable buildings quite far from the main building, out of view. Creating a 'v' shape, the building had the perfect corner for him to shrug his bag off and slide down to the ground in. Finally feeling a familiar sting in his eyes he took a deep, shaky breath, and let himself fall apart.

Right there, on school grounds away from the new view he'd created for himself but it wasn't his fucking fault, and he didn't deserve it. He'd stay up late at nights, watching the clock tick seconds, minutes, hours away. He wouldn't sleep until he got a text back from one of many he'd sent out, and he wouldn't eat or drink because he was afraid that for even the second that he was needed he would miss it and wouldn't be able to be there.

The last thing he wanted was trouble, but he'd created it no matter where he went, it would never matter. The tears ran hot, unforgiving trails down his face, and he let them. He allowed himself a moment in forever to shake violently with the sobs that he put all his hurt and all his grief and all his  _guilt_ among everything else into, trying pointlessly to push all the feelings out of him so he could just ignore them for one more day. He might have been able to, also, if it weren't for fucking Wade.

"Mark?" Wade called, his voice small, unsure if he should consult his clearly internally hurt friend. He knew though, the moment his friend met his eyes that were puffy and red and tear streaked, that he'd absolutely made the right choice to follow him. Wade approached Mark quickly, kneeling in front of the shorter teen and pulling him close to his chest, sharing his warmth and comfort in the way he knew Mark needed right now.

There were so many thoughts flitting through Mark's mind right now, and he couldn't slow down or stop the flood of questions and self attack. He gripped tightly at Wade's arms when he pulled back slightly, watching him with sympathy. He felt so small, between Wade and the corner behind him, and he was so cold though the sun was high in the sky. His mind wouldn't stop turning, twisting, wouldn't stop giving him pain and heart ache.

 _What happened to 'I'll love you regardless', huh?_ He took a deep shuddering breath, trying to slow down the sobs. _You probably made him cry today too, remember when you promised you'd always protect him? I bet you do. He threw up in front of those kids today, he ran like a coward today. You know who that is to blame, you playing out the night he was taken advantage of by the people he called friend. Especially Felix, and remember how close they were?_

He was calm enough now to breath through his nose without gasping for air a moment later, and he leaned his head back against the building behind him, releasing Wade of his death grip to lay there almost limply. He was shaking slightly, and Wade put his jacket around his shoulders, sitting beside him to put an arm over his shoulder and lean Mark on him. He just whined, sniffling, willing the thoughts to go away but they refused.

_Oh you know how close they were, of course you did, they were lovers before you even knew Sean. You remember the story the other student council told you when you asked about him, don't you? Felix went to another school two years ago before he moved further into town into a new school zone. They got caught fucking in school once, didn't they? That's why Jack was relocated the first time, the second time he beat the fuck out of some guy who called him a faggot._

He ran his fingers through his hair while Wade cooed to him like a lost child, coughing as his sobs hit hard again, a fresh wave of hurt causing him to begin crying fiercely again. _And then the reunion between them, they got in shit for making out in the hall, remember? Of course you remember, you're the only one who knew, walking by on your way to the student council room with perfect posture and a grin, like always._

 _You kept up that facade so well until now, didn't you? Even after the shit he gave you, you were still cool, calm, collected weren't you? Even when he said he'd give you forever if you never said a word about it, and you remember that? The day the good guy went to shit, because he'd been high as a kite and you were a horny teenager, wasn't that all there was to it._ He tried to bury himself further in the corner with Wade's arm around him, who'd started combing his hair with his fingers comfortingly.

_He'd dragged you with him into a nearby stall, and pulled you flush against him. Remember that first encounter with an out-of-it Jack, rutting with you in a bathroom stall? It was amazing you hadn't been caught, either. You kept up the lie, even to Felix, that you two weren't involved. Even when he'd gone out to that first party that you'd refused his invitation to, and after an hour of non-stop worry you finally went to find him and make sure he didn't need you or something._

_You should have gone with 'or something', and the feeling of dread the second you stepped into that party to find a scene of mostly drunk teens, and you asked The Grumps where he was. You should've known, the second Danny burst out laughing, gesturing to the hall around the corner saying something you'd ignored. That was the first time you found out, but how many times was it?_

_How many times had they been like that behind your back, in places like a spare room at a party and even Jack's own bed where you two had your own moments of intimacy._ He whispered to himself, digging the fingers of his right hand into Wade's arm, begging the scene to stop playing in his head but it kept going. He kept going, kept walking, and he should have just turned around and left as soon as he knew Jack was okay. He was more than okay.

He had given Danny an odd look at the bark of laughter when he'd asked where Jack was, and Suzy had whispered something about his lover along the lines of _"he's a damn piece of work, that kid"_. He'd turned away from them and proceeded down the hall, the cold pit of dread growing in his stomach as he approached the room he'd been told his lover was in. He could hear Jack's voice before he opened the door, even over the pounding music, though he couldn't make out words.

The feeling of disgust and horror that settled in him was as unwelcome in his mind as was the scene before him, Jack with his hands braced on the dresser behind him with his legs around Felix's hips. Jack still had his beanie on, his other clothes long since abandoned on the floor at Mark's feet, and Felix still in his flecked blue and white muscle shirt. He remembered feeling flustered at first, unsure how to react, and maybe that was worse because it gave the time for Jack to open his eyes and see him in the doorway.

Not only see him there, but meet his gaze. He knew it had to have been Felix to have initiated this, as Jack had assured Mark he had no feeling towards him anymore. It could have easily been a lie if it weren't for that fact that regardless of the situation and Felix fucking him, slow the way he liked it and he couldn't help but feel a little gross at the idea that Felix must have had sex with him many times before Mark had, Jack had stopped Felix and managed to get him to step away.

The moment he realized he was standing there staring, he backpedaled and turned to leave, wanting nothing to do with either of the two anymore. Jack had pulled his pants on in record time, but left the shirt where it was, rushing after him. They'd gotten a lot of looks that night, Jack striding after him begging him to wait, wearing a pair of rather tight probably uncomfortable jeans that made his erection very obvious, while Mark simply walked right out the front door.

The moment he was out the door, Jack a step behind him, he pulled Jack by the arm towards his car. He opened the passenger door and gestured for Jack to get in, which he did hesitantly, and he walked around to the driver side to get in. He'd driven home in silence, with Jack squirming in his seat, not wearing the seat belt. Mark's mom and brother were likely asleep, so he'd lead him into the house up to his own room. He'd likely just tell them Jack had never left for the party, and decided to stay so they could study more.

Tom probably wouldn't buy it, and he was right, he didn't take a word of Mark's bullshit. He said nothing though, so it had taken his mother a little digging around of her own to figure out about the two of them. The second his bedroom door was closed, he had Jack's back against it pressed tight to his body, kissing him hard. It wasn't like the sort of sweet moments they'd had now and then, probably more often than he'd admit, nor was it like the times where they rushed it due to pure need.

This wasn't for Jack, he'd had to remind himself when said man pulled at his shirt, this was him. He was literally going to fuck Jack until any trace of Felix was gone, and replace it with himself. The Irish student tried to push him back towards the bed, but Mark shoved him back against the door, pulling away from the kiss for breath. They were both breathing hard, and Mark murmured in his ear. _"Where did he touch you?"_ He asked bluntly, resting his forehead on the door over Jack's shoulder.

 _"What?"_ He'd breathed in slight confusion, and Mark stepped back from him. _"Show me every place he touched you."_ Jack was wary to comply, he hadn't expected this of Mark, he wouldn't put revenge sex past him but he didn't expect said intercourse to be with the person where his vengeance was focused. When he nodded, pointing out each place Felix had touched him, and telling him how he was touched there.

It didn't take a college degree for Jack to realize this wasn't going to be like the usual, and it wasn't going to be fun for him, not after Mark made his first move. He'd pushed Jack back to his bedroom wall, finding the place he'd first pointed to saying how Felix had kissed him there, and bit down. Not like his usual love bites, not even like the ones when they were rough to keep him quiet. This one was purely to cause Jack to regret having let the other man touch him there at all.

He might've been a kinky asshole, but he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a bit turned on by the whimper Jack let out. Even though Jack had never been the one fucking, they didn't have a dominant or submissive part to their interactions, it was usually all mutual. Unless Jack was intoxicated, but that didn't make Mark the dominant it just made the other submissive and made no difference to his own actions unless Jack asked him for something.

He'd continued like that, leaving fierce teeth marks all over the other's torso and neck, eventually getting his jeans off again. He wasn't about to give him any sort of upper hand, nor chance at it, and kept himself mostly dressed. He clawed down the sides of Jack's upper body, down from his hair and along his neck and over his shoulders, leaving raised red lines in the skin and was amused by Jack's squirming.

He'd stepped away for a moment to grab the bottle of lubricant he kept in the top drawer of his dresser, and moving back to Jack, who was leaned against the wall. He handed over the bottle to his lover, watching as he looked at Mark in pure innocent confusion. He would have found that cute if it weren't for the circumstance that had brought them here, and he watched as Jack finally caught on and put some of the lubricant onto his hand.

He didn't wait for it to reach room temperature, immediately putting his hand around Mark. He took a sharp breath, but leaned into Jack as he started to move his hand, his fore arms braced on either side of his head. He had his face buried in his left elbow as he jacked Mark off, spreading the lube over his dick. "Gimme..." He spoke, putting weight on one arm to hold out his other hand for the lube, which was warily handed to him.

Jack kept up his pace as he leaned away slightly, taking the Irish man's other hand and spreading some lube over three of his fingers. He tossed the bottle onto the carpet floor, and he went back to biting fiercely at his shoulder. Jack watched Mark warily, confused on what he expected him to do. It didn't take long to realize when Mark looked over at him with a heated expression, and pushed his arm towards himself. His pace faltered as he was aware of what was being expected by the other male.

He'd never masturbated in front of Mark before, and it made him nervous for some reason. He'd never had a reason to masturbate before, he'd always had Felix as his fuck buddy, and when he didn't he simply took out sexual frustration by going out to a party and getting some poor guy drunk enough to fuck him. It was easy of course, he was pretty sexually attractive, at least he'd have to be to get such an other wisely angelic guy like Mark to be like this.

He picked up his pace on Mark's dick again, reaching down to massage himself before pressing a finger inside himself at the same time as another of Mark's rough bites. He began moving his finger at an off pace, out of sync from how he was moving his other hand on Mark. He wasted no time to add his second finger, and very quickly a third, as he was already relatively stretched from Felix earlier.

He was soon moaning with the feeling of his own fingers moving inside him, subconsciously matching his pace with the motions of his other hand for a moment before moving off pace again, fucking himself on his finger fast and hard. He stopped when Mark pulled his hand away from his dick, slipping his fingers out and wiping the remaining lube off his fingers on Mark's shirt. He didn't seem to care, lifting him with a hand on each thy against the wall, and Jack tried to wrap his legs around Mark's hips.

Mark stopped him, and he instead linked his ankles behind him, giving the other male more room for movement, and bracing his palms flat against the wall. Mark put a hand on the wall on either side of him, and spoke with a slightly hoarse voice, "Don't fall." He squirmed, letting out a loud squeak that made him bite his lip to keep quite when Mark waste no time thrusting into him, not bothering to be gentle.

He set a pace quickly, hard and quick that pushed Jack's back against the wall with each thrust and left him a whining, whimpering mess. He'd been right, it wasn't fun for him, and knowing Mark it probably wasn't all that good for him either, though he knew the noises he made in reaction were worth enough to get him off. He cried out when Mark his prostate with no mercy, his pressure on the wall that was keeping him up almost faltering, and he kept hitting the same spot.

He was nearing his climax, and he could tell Mark was too when his thrusts slowed in his attempt to keep rhythm. Mark came before him, grunting and sucking a bright bruise onto his jaw. He hoped it would fade tomorrow, but he knew it wouldn't. Mark didn't finish him off, he pulled out and went to the small bathroom adjoined to his room to clean up, leaving Jack to put the same three fingers back into him and fuck himself to his finish.

It wasn't good, and he didn't enjoy it at the time, and still didn't enjoy the memory of it as he sobbed in Wade's arms. That's how it was. He'd go out, get fucked by strangers, or Felix, and Mark would turn that pleasure into dust by doing him better than whoever he'd had his infidelity with. Never again like that first time, but it remained as a reminder to both of them. It was like a silent promise that Mark would rub it away every time, and would always love Jack regardless.

It had occurred to him a few times that Jack did it just to get fucked by him again, usually the next morning. It was in that moment he wiped his tears away and decided what he was going to do. Wade watched him get up warily, standing as Mark started walking to where he knew Jack would be. "You gonna be okay?" He asked, but didn't bother following. He said a quick, "Yeah, I'm good I just... Got something to do."

He stepped back into the school building that would not yet be closed for another three hours, and headed towards the classroom that had been unused for years, broken windows boarded up and the only thing there was a single desk for the teacher who'd once taught there. This was about to be a first for them both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this explained a bit, and connected you more to the character of Mark (yes I know, very douchey but now you know why!) The full reason why, that is. That scene was slight Non-Con, not really rape, but yeah, so sorry if that strikes any nerves for you. I'm sure you can guess what's happening next chapter, but if you can't... it gets really kinky or weird at least.
> 
> I'm going to put a slight-non-con warning in beginning notes now. (for further note, I don't really plan this, so I didn't know I was going to write this chapter like I did until it was done. hence why I couldn't have written it in the beginning notes before I posted it)
> 
> -Vera


	3. Forget About The Things We Do

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A bit of foreshadowing, a dash of cruelty, a lot of love, and a way to turn the tables. That's what this chapter's summary is, and I hope you understand it at the end~
> 
> Song for this chapter is... *insert Legend Of Zelda found-item sound* duhduh duh duuuuh! Leaving You by Savoy & Sound Remedy, feat. Jojee

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I've been gone for like a month now, I went on vacation for three weeks and then this challenge thing happened and I had to participate, so here. The wait to find out what happens next is now over... And yes, this will be having more than three chapters I've decided. BDSM warning for this one~
> 
> -Vera

_It was like everything blurred together in his irrational calm, lights were so bright and he could hear things through tunnels. Unsaturated green blurred with white... it could have been tile, he decided in his out-there mind that felt like it was wandering everywhere and nowhere. He'd felt so hot moments ago, it felt like his whole body was searing, like he was boiling under his skin as everything inside him bubbled. Now he was cold, and where that green and white blended was becoming stained by red, was it his eyes? Something was wrong, he knew that very damn well, and he knew what. He just couldn't focus enough realize his stupidity, after all, any other kid would just say he drunk too much, or was high off his balls, or was mixing alcohol with drugs... again._

_He started faintly laughing at himself, it was so funny everything that was happening, the way the blurred colors swirled as he moved against something. A wall maybe, but it was colder than him, even. At first he thought he was losing consciousness when the green began to swirl again without him having even twitched, until it revealed more intricate colors behind it. It finally occurred to him, in another much louder bubble of hilarity, that this was a bathroom stall and that was the door opening._

_Bright baby blues peered at him with horror and anger, but he couldn't bring himself to care as the angry male that had walked in on him stepped forward and grabbed his arm where it hurt, digging his fingers in. Ow. His vision pulsed into sharper views of the room around him as he felt his arm being yanked forward and he was thrust out onto the floor of the boy restrooms. When he looked behind him the red stains were still there, but they seemed to be following him- it has to be him seeing things._

_A pair of faded grey shoes, stained from his vision as he'd decided, stepped into his lowered gaze. He felt a hand grab the hair at the back of his neck and pull it back, his mind making the world swirl again and making him jerk in the grip as he dry heaved. Had he already thrown up? Maybe he had, that would explain a lot. The face above him, once again blurred except the shining blue eyes, was about to say something when he stopped at the sound of the restroom door opening._

_The edges were turning dark and he thought "this is it" before giggling and closing his eyes, welcoming the fuzzy dark it gave him. "Get away from him!" yelled a voice sweet as honey and just as thick, as steps approached, and a loud sound of contact rung out in the echoing room just before the grip on his hair disappeared. Everything went very dim for a moment, before a hard stomp on his arm sent pain through his whole body in a bolt._

_Everything became so clear before him as he realized what was happening, no longer trapped in the delusions of his unstable mind. But he couldn't look away from those warm, beautiful, molten chocolate eyes. Hate, that's the first thing he noticed- was it directed at him? Perhaps not, the other thing he noticed was worry. Why should he be worried?_

* * *

 

It took a while for Jack to realize he wasn't alone in the abandoned classroom, in fact he knew it must have been quite a while based on what he found when he finally decided his Ma would be worried and turned around from where he sat on the empty and barren teacher's desk. To his surprise and worry, there was Mark. That wasn't what brought such feelings, that he was there wasn't all that surprising, it was  _how_ he was there.

Shirtless, although Jack could see the white fabric left at the door along with his shoes and socks, and facing away. His hair looked as though he'd run his fingers through it more than a few times, slightly messier than usual, and his glasses were tossed to the side slightly. He was on the cold stone floor wearing only his jeans, up on his knees with his legs apart slightly and a hand on each thy. He knew what this was, and that's what scared him.

It was what Felix had taught him was the default submissive position, though he'd had no idea how Mark knew this. He hopped down from the desk and to stand in front of Mark, whose head was down and eyes closed. "Mark? What are you-?" He couldn't find it in him to finish that sentence, there was something about seeing Mark like this that broke his heart a little, and he knew he'd made a mistake.

Mark looked up at him with determined and sad brown eyes, the area around them was red and Jack knew he must have been crying, that was his fault. It was all his fault, especially what was happening now as Mark finally spoke. "I want to know; Why?" His voice sounded as if it could shatter, and it hurt hearing such a strong, warm voice sound so broken and beaten down like a reflection of Mark's emotions and thoughts. "What?" Great, he couldn't even think of anything to really say to that.

"I want you to show me why it is you do this." By the confused look Jack gave him, he decided to finally specify what it was he meant by 'this'. "Why you go out to parties like that, and do whatever the fuck just to hurt me." It was in the sickened 'Aha' expression he could feel on his face that Mark could see he understood, and kneel in front of him. He knew what was being asked of him, but Jack just couldn't bring himself to do something like this. It was just, asking too much of him, and asking too much of Mark.

"I can't do this to you, I'm sorry..." He watched the Irish teen kneel in front of him and shake his head slightly, and he leaned forward, arms over Jack's shoulders and hands gripping his hair as he kissed him, and whined. "Please," He kissed Jack again, this time getting a response and trying to put more passion into the kiss before his love pulled away for breath. "Please, S-Jack, please..." He sounded pitiful and he knew it, but that was the point, and Jack sighed hard before pulling Mark to his feet with him.

Mark hooked a finger in his belt loop and lead them both back until he hit the edge of the desk, and Jack expressed worry. "We can't do this here, we don't have any, you know, like lube or any-" He was interrupted by Mark hopping up on the desk and pulling him forward to stand between the Asian's legs. "I want you to show me exactly why you go cheat on me at parties, I doubt Felix carries  _lube_ _or anything_ around with him just assuming." Jack nodded at that, yeah it was true, it was always dry but he almost liked it that way, maybe he was a masochist.

On that thought, Mark started undoing his belt and he felt uneasy at the question asked of him. "Do you know how this works?" He felt the belt being pulled through each loop, Mark keeping him pressed right up against him, and he swallowed hard. "W-yeah, I do, but I'm not- OW!"

He flinched when Mark bit his arm, but didn't step away. "Stop treating me like I'm fragile, stop treating me like your friend." So that's how this was, was it? That was what he wanted then. "Stop treating me like your best friend or your boyfriend, because I'm not, I'm your friend with benefits and that's all you've ever wanted from me. If you feel like you're so angry at the world all the time that you're the school delinquent and revel in the hate and anger you are constantly surrounded by, then act like it. I'm your rival after all."

Mark wanted him to treat him like he didn't know him, treat him like the school representative that he was, show him all the feelings that thinking about him brought up since back when Mark had caught him and Felix making out. Since whenever he did something rebellious Mr. Student Council President was on his back and getting on his nerves, and he couldn't even remember when those feelings changed. He couldn't remember when he stopped hating Mark and started loving him.

He was being asked to fuck Mark like he'd never gotten so high in first place that he acted on a feeling of lust, like the fantasies he'd had of making Mark his bitch. He was stopped from pulling the belt from the last loop while Jack thought over everything flitting through his mind at that moment. A slight frown and a tighten of his grip on his wrists, and he'd made up his mind. "Are... you sure about this?"

He pulled the belt out of the last loop when Jack let go, and handed it to him, holding out his hands, wrists together. "No. Make me regret it." He nodded, and forced himself to push back his thoughts, instead bringing forward how angry he'd felt at the back of his mind for so long. As if Mark were Mr. Perfect, he didn't get to make him feel this bad, he didn't get to criticize him for being drunk and high, and fucking whoever he wanted. That's how he really felt, underneath his guilt at how he treated this otherwise kind and loving male, was that how could he not expect it?

Jack had promised him forever if he didn't tell anyone what they'd done in that bathroom stall, he didn't promise to change who he was. He was a horrible, monster of a teenage boy, and nothing could change that not even having a boyfriend like Mark. He shouldn't feel so bad about it, and now he was going to express all those pent up feelings he'd pushed back because he loved Mark, and he wasn't going to regret this because in the end he was doing this for Mark, because he loved him.

He pulled the loop he'd made with the belt tight around his wrists, grabbing Mark by the wrists and yanking him forward off the desk and into his own body. He dropped the other male's wrists and stepped back. "Sit." Mark obeyed of course, going back to the same position he had started with, but this time putting his bound wrists over his head to rest on the back of his neck. With Mark propped on his knees, Sean easily removed his belt, the slightly loose waist of his jeans sliding down on his hips.

He walked around the submissive male, kicking off his shoes on the way, and kicked Mark's back with a bare foot, only to push him over so he was on his knees and elbows. "What's the safe word." He demanded and the other shook his head, laughing slightly. "There is none, you're making me regret this decision, remember?" He very honestly doubted himself for a second, considering, as he held Mark's own belt in his hand. He took a slow breath, before squeezing his eyes shut, and pulling his arm back.

It wasn't an unfamiliar burn when he felt the belt's material dig into his back, though it had been so long since he'd felt it. He knew Jack was holding back, clearly this was a whole new world to him, but one Mark had experienced before only from where he was now. The way he looked at it, using a belt was merciful, but then it was all they had. Jack had never known about any of his past relationships, but many of them- more than you'd think- were dominant-submissive, and he was always a sub.

He flinched at the next hit, but frowned, deciding to egg him on a little. "You're _weak_." He spat over his shoulder, and was proud that his comment seemed honest enough to piss Jack off, to a point where he whipped the belt much harder than he intended to. His breath caught for a second at the sight of a much redder, and darkening, strip on Mark's back, and said person letting out a choked yelp. He could see Mark's grin though, and couldn't help thinking about how he'd never known Mark to be so into this sort of thing.

He pulled his arm back again, but this time he didn't close his eyes, hitting Mark exactly where he'd aimed on his shoulder, feeling a spark of arousal in his abdomen when the yelp he'd let out turned into a moan. Mark whined at how uncomfortable his jeans were becoming, despite them being slightly looser without his belt. He had the image in his mind of the look of lust on Jack's face holding that whip, and he played it out in his head the way he'd drink in Mark's yelps or whimpers, and rub at his own forming erection in his pants. This fantasy combined with the snap of the belt on his back and the growl Sean made when he whimpered out his name was only turning him on more, and he squirmed slightly.

Jack decided to stop, seeing Mark squirm, and laughed to himself. Masochist, he thought, throwing the belt aside and pulling Mark up by his wrists once again, and shoving him onto the desk. He pulled his shirt over his head as Mark watched curiously, biting the fabric and ripping a strip off it to tie over the other's eyes. Jack growled in the low voice he'd taken on, "Don't make a damn sound, or I wont let you cum, and if you do, I'll introduce you to a whole world of pain, Fischbach."

Mark visibly shivered, making a sound of wanting, and almost _delight_ that got on his nerves. He undid and pulled down Mark's jeans to find he'd gone commando and that the whole situation had turned him on more that expected, and he pulled down his own jeans and boxers. He pushed Mark back on the desk so the back of his knees were against the edge and he untied his hands, so Mark could lean on his palms. "Don't touch or I'll bind them again." He warned, and Mark swallowed hard, nodding his head slowly to show he understood. Jack got up on the desk with a knee on either side of Mark, and pulled said male's head forward by his hair.

"Suck." He instructed, and guided Mark to his dick, which the other didn't hesitate on blowing for a second. He sighed at the warmth that spread through his whole body just from Mark's hot mouth working it's magic, usually he was the one who blew Mark, since he usually jacked himself off while Mark fucked him anyway. He took longer to come than Mark did, considering the difference in positions, so it usually kept them pretty synced on finishing.

When he felt that he was at a full erection and was coated in enough of Mark's saliva, he pulled his head back and got off the desk. He stood close to the edge of the desk and pulled Mark to him hard, creating contact between their hard dicks and causing Mark to gasp and Sean to moan. He pushed Mark back so he was lying on the desk with his upper body, and he pulled up his legs, holding them wide apart for Jack.

He waited patiently as he heard Sean walk away and the shuffle of clothing as he folded their abandoned clothes and left them by the door, as well as retrieving and setting up his phone to record every second of this, he was definitely going to make Mark regret it. He stuck three fingers in Mark's mouth, who complied to suck them before Sean pulled them out.

Mark bit his lip at the discomfort as the first finger massaged his tight hole for only a short moment before pushing in, he tried to relax while soon after a second finger was added and he felt himself clench for a second around the two appendages. He took a quiet and deep breath and reminded himself to relax as he was stretched and Jack scissored his fingers to try to loosen him up, he took the tensing of Mark as him taunting him, and removed both fingers before inserting them back in with a third added to the mix. Mark flinched lightly out of surprise and a tiny bit of pain as he felt the fingers starting to be thrust back and forth, one of the things he'd never told Jack coming back to bite him. He was a virgin in the way that Jack most certainly was not, but if he said anything now it would all stop. The drag of Sean's fingers inside him was very uncomfortable at first, but when he felt them curl slightly forward on the draw back he almost let out a squeak as the burst of pleasure like sparks the flew through him, and made him lift his hips.

He grinned at Mark's reaction as he struggled not to make noise, repeating his previous action until after the third try he found his prostate again and made a note to himself where it was. He pulled his fingers out as Mark trembled on the desk at the sudden lack of fingers up his ass, before spitting on his hand and slicking up his dick again to prepare to enter Mark's tight virgin hole. He tried to calm his breathing and relax his muscles as he felt Jack's tip press against him.

Sean considered going slow at first, but then paused for a second, remembering he was supposed to be showing Mark why he'd been cheating on him at- nearly- every party he went to, which meant he needed to fuck Mark like he'd been. He placed a hand on each thy and squeezed as a silent  _Sorry, Mark_ before he stopped hesitating and slammed into him with a grunt, forgetting his own rule to punish Mark if he wasn't quiet when Mark practically howled in what he didn't recognize as pain.

Mark panted and the breath caught in his throat as each thrust came one after another with little hesitation, and he held back tears at the pain as Sean moved inside him. If this was what Jack experienced, he hated it, and he regret every time they'd ever been rough, even if it was to said other's demands. Those thoughts only lasted a while when Sean started stroking him with one hand and lifted his hips with the other, and the burn faded to a dull thrum as it started to feel much better than it had when they started.

He felt as Jack pulled back slowly, and pushed in hard once again, squeezing him hard at the same time as hitting his prostate sending his mind spinning as he cried out. He started pushing down to meet each thrust, replacing Jack's hand with his own on his dick so the other could hold his hips up at a better angle to go at. It wasn't long before Jack slowed his trusts and pulled out much to Mark's disapproval, but only to switch to position so Sean was lying on the desk with Mark above him, riding his dick with such vigor it made him breathless. He pushed up to meet Mark, pulling the other's hips down too to make every thrust as deep and hard as he could. He hit Mark's prostate again with the change of position being better angle wise, and Mark's reactions seemed tame compared to what this brought.

"Oh-oh, o-o-oooh god, S-Sea- nngh, g-god, Sean, fuck me! Fuck me harder, b-baby, h-har... Ah, ah, ah..." He moaned out in his baritone voice, practically collapsing onto his partner as the other guided his hips to keep them moving. The drag of Jack inside him was so good, and his head was spinning as every though bubbled out on his deep, raspy voice. When he recovered himself slightly, he took more control, hands on Jack's bare chest as he rode him, not pulling quite all the way up before dropping down hard. His back stung as Jack pressed a palm into it, aggravating the welts forming there from the belt he wielded earlier. He used his other hand to stroke Mark a few times before alternating to palming his balls and massaging them, and it was glorious from the way Mark moaned his name.

He felt the pressure building as they both approached finish, and all rhythm was lost, the world dissolved around around them both. He let out a whimper, digging his claw-hooked fingers into Mark's hips. "I just... I just need... nngh..." He heard Mark retort with a whine, and he shifted his angle more, finding his prostate. It was pretty much a chain reaction, that last spike in the pleasure Mark felt caused him to tense up, in doing so caused Sean to cum with him.

He sat up with Mark in his lap still as they came down, Mark's head tilted back and lips parted as his breaths began to calm and he untied the makeshift blindfold. Once Jack felt like he was on earth again and not floating on cloud nine, he wrapped his arms around Mark's waist while he felt his palms pressed into his shoulders, and lifted. He went slow, to prevent further pain to an already uncomfortable and sore Mark who hissed at every movement.

He sighed in frustration and squeezed Mark with his arms. "Come on baby, I've got to get you off you're not making this easier." Mark took a moment, taking a deep breath and nodding. It was just when he was starting to lift him off his lap that he heard the creak of the door, and saw a bright red shirt and tan pants. "Hey Jack, look I think Mark- OH MY GOD-!!" The door immediately slammed shut, and he saw the shadow of Wade leaning against it.

Mark looked shocked at the door, mouth slightly agape, and Sean took a breath before whispering to deaf ears. "I'm sorry Mark, but I've gotta..." And with that he lifted Mark the rest of the way off, the other yelping at the surprise and pain from the friction it caused. Jack leaned over to pick up his torn shirt, wiping marks cum off his chest and his own off his dick. He tossed the shirt to Mark, who took it with a wince and proceeded to clean himself up.

He put on his jeans and belt, doing up the belt and turning to see Mark already dressed back up and pulling the back of his shirt off the welts there, stepping back as he opened the door. Wade stormed in, looking disgusted and angry. And, he realized, scared.

Wade wordlessly spun Mark by the shoulders and lifted the back of his shirt, making a choked sound at what he saw. "Is this what he does to you? Oh my god, Mark- And you, you can't- just- to anyone, especially not to him!" Wade stormed over angrily and shoved him, Jack just took it in a step back, and felt a bit nauseous. Was it wrong to have done all that and gone so far, even if it was what Mark wanted, what he asked for?

"Wade, I- he-!" He didn't expect it coming, but boy did he feel it, the brunt force of Wade's fist colliding with face. He wasn't sure if it was the contact he heard or the sound of his nose breaking, but a flood of liquid was pouring down his face over his lips and chin, and dripping onto his bare chest. He opened his mouth to gasp for air, sputtering as some of the coppery tasting blood threatened to choke him, and raising a hand to his broken nose. Tears stung in his eyes and he averted them from Wade's angry gaze, bracing for another hit as he backpedaled until he tripped on his own feet and landed on his ass.

Mark didn't understand at first what was happening, which was why it took longer for him to react than it should have, he pushed Wade out of the way. He brought a distraught and frightened Sean into his arms, blood staining his white shirt and soaking through so even he could feel it. "G-god I'm s-sorr-ry, M-Mark-k-k I-" He sobbed, but Mark cut him off by wiping some of the red off his face with a thumb, and turned to Wade.

"Look, Wade, it's fine- this is, I mean, I- Ow..." He winced as he shifted his weight from one foot to another, but frowned through it and continued. "I asked him for this, okay? He didn't even- like, understand what I wanted. And that's not his fault, I egged him on and-" He was cut off by Wade, who seemed a little less worried if it was consented to, but pointed out a very obvious and worrying fact.

"What about your Mom, and Tom? You look like a rape victim, in an abusive relationship. Is that what you wanted? To look like that again?" He flinched at Wade's words, before dread spread through his currently sensitive stomach as he heard the one he loved behind him whisper the last word of what Wade had said.

"Mark, what does he mean,  _again_?" He watched Wade warily, placing a hand on Mark's shoulders and watching him in confusion. "I- Jack, this isn't... Yeah, okay,  _again_ , so I dated the wrong girl and she turned out to be abusive, but I loved her I couldn't just..." He looked up at the taller of the three of them, pleading with his eyes for him to see that this was so much different than that had been. "...leave."

Wade shook his head and waved it off, turning to walk towards the door with the other two following. "Yeah, whatever, you can do whatever you want you kinky freaks." Mark frowned at that, however Sean grinned, he loved joking with Wade and was glad he wouldn't be tried for rape or something in court. All seriousness back in effect as they headed for the main exit, he looked at Mark with a glare. "I hope you got whatever it was you wanted out of this."

Mark thought on it for a second- had he learned why Jack cheated on him, in the end? He nodded to himself and then replied, sticking his hands in his pockets as he squirmed. "Yeah, I did. I understand. But you can't-"

"Look Mark, I know I can't go around probably spreading whatever nasty dick disease Felix has given me as his professional whore, alright?" He huffed, looking over at Mark who seemed slightly flustered and a bit angry. "But you just- you don't treat me like a  _person_ anymore, you treat me like a fuckbuddy and I know- lord, I know- you love having something to fuck you- and god it's good- but that doesn't mean I disappear off of the face of earth because you aren't riding me, okay?" Mark ranted, forgetting an extremely uncomfortable Wade who had drifted back to walk behind them. "See I know you've got a reputation to keep up and whatever being an asshole and hating the world, but you need to treat me like you actually  _love_ me, regardless who's around because it's not  _fair_."

"Then you're going to have to take me home with  _you_ and tell your family, brother and both Moms included, why you are in the state you are in right now." He crossed his arms, before quickly uncrossing them to wipe more blood off his face and take a deep breath trying to ignore the throbbing in his nose. "Then you're going to have to bring  _me_ home and explain to  _your_ family, Ma, Pa, brothers and sisters included, why I am in the state that you've put me in." Jack looked worried at the idea of that, his parents hated when he'd dated Felix, he couldn't imagine how they would react to the idea that their gay son dom'd for once and put Mark through the pain that he did.

Mark put an arm over his shoulders and kissed his cheek as they stepped out into fresh air, heading towards the road he walked along to get home. Wade there of course to provide comic relief to distract them from their nerves- they would have a lot to deal with today. It was only the beginning, Mark decided when he heard a honk and turned to see a worried and aggravated Tom driving his car probably in search for his little brother. "Shit." He sighed, stopping as Tom pulled over next to them. "Mark!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry not sorry. A little more look into the relationship, and a little... more into that foreshadowing from last chapter. Took me DAYS just to decide how I wanted to do this, I decided work-with-what-you-got hesitant BDSM, with Wade walking in at the wrong. time. So there you go, this isn't done yet, the scenes at the beginning of last chapter and this one will be brought to life later. Also maybe backstory if you want it? Of like Jack with Felix before all this, and a better look into Mark's relationship. Comment, let me know, any ideas are welcome to be pooled!
> 
> How many people expected Mark to end up a masochist submissive in this chapter? How many of you thought he would get at Jack like in the last chapter, the first time Sean cheated?
> 
> How many of you absolutely died at Wade's timing. That's the real question.
> 
> -Vera


	4. Rogue And Wolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After that day, Tom wouldn't even look at him anymore, and Sean had seen the worst side of his family. Of course they were fine about the relationship, and he expected nothing if not acceptance from at least his brother and mothers, it was the situation that he was put in because of it- the situation he put himself in.
> 
> Tom took care of him, and Sean got hell for it though he seemed not to be phased by anything that was said to him. It was lucky that Mark left a much better impression on Jack's parents than Felix, and they'd even set ground rules on their relationship. There needed to be "G&T" in their relationship, and they really weren't getting that before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No smut in this one actually. Like what, since when, right? Either way, here you go. I have more stories to update, but I need to get my shorter stories outta the way.
> 
> -Vera

There had been a noticeable difference between the way they acted that everyone could see, even the people who didn't know them personally or considered them a blip in the radar. They'd made amends, glued together the broken pieces and replaced the ones that didn't fit, and then did even what most would consider the impossible task- explaining Mark's broken state to both families, thus explaining a lot of their sex life. It's not a thing they did again, in fact, they no longer spent nights together. Sean proposed that things needed to change, and Mark decided that this meant they would both need some ground rules to keep them in the same line.

 _"For one, you can't drink anymore or go to parties without an escort."_ Jack stood tall, the room echoing around him as he walked with Suzy at his side, one of the few Mark trusted as his follow-along buddy. She kept watching him nervously as if he was subject to snap at any moment, brushing the platinum streak behind her ear every time it fell. He tried not to focus on the rest of the world instead listening closely to the clack of Suzy's heals on the floor, the arm he had looped with hers tightening and drawing her slightly closer when he noticed Ken out of the corner of his eye leaning against a locker with Felix telling some story or other. She gave him a pointed look when he stuttered in his steps, and yanked lightly with her arm to pull him up to her pace. She whispered something encouraging, but he couldn't hear it over the uproar in his own mind.

His mind was starting to clear which was good, Suzy promised not to say anything but she wasn't about to lie for him, he'd spent the morning smoking weed with her and Danny. There they were, he almost said aloud, the ever so classy jokes that had been floating about for the past two days. The pet jokes they made only annoyed him, and he wanted so badly to bite back at them- to verbally or physically defend his reputation, that he was constantly reminded no longer existed. Look at the feral dog, being pulled along by a tight leash. The first two days he'd been hard on Suzy he knew, he fought her with all his being trying to get away. Even almost hit some poor kid laughing at him, but it would have served them right, if only she hadn't stepped in his way. He'd never hit a girl, much less his friend that always knew when he was a small jab away from hurting someone.

He rubbed the heal of his palm against his nose and winced, provoking the ache that spread through his entire face. His escort swat his hand away, and continued dragging him along until they finally spotted the target. It was here she pulled her arm from around his and stepped away, watching him as he sulked all the way the next few meters to where Mark stood at his locker. _"Then you can't treat me like I'm under you, ever again."_ He slumped against the locker next to his love's, muttering a 'hey' before going silent while the other finished typing a text and closed his locker door. "Hey, how's your nose?" He asked with concern, standing in front of Jack.

"ts fine, honestly I don't know why it's such a big deal." He sighed, stepping forward to put his arms around Mark's neck, the only place he could without hurting him. "How's your... everything?" He muttered the last part, rubbing his palm down Mark's back gently causing him to hiss. _"I'm sorry, you know that. For another thing, you can't pretend you don't care around people. Don't hide things from me."_ He hugged Sean back, saying something about it getting better, and sighing.

The next two weeks went on like that, Jack was followed closely by Wade, accompanied by Bob, or lead by Suzy, to wherever Mark would be. They expressed concern and hugged, displaying very little affection other than with words, but that's the way it had to be until the older of the two was at perfect health again. That and Mark had made a promise to Tom, which meant if he was ever hurt again Sean was as good as a dead man dancing in his grave. Eventually he could walk around without one of the three followers and had even started drinking again from time to time. Things were okay, and then things began to change.

Mark was pretty much spotless by now, and back to his old self, physically anyway. They had been held apart for so long, and though they refused to take it too far, they began allowing themselves the aggression and affection they both craved so strongly. He was walking back from a student council meeting to his locker when he heard footsteps approaching, and soon found himself pressed to the nearest wall with an eager Jack pressing their lips together hard, grinning into the kiss when Mark pushed back with determination and want. This was much like every other time they nearly lost themselves to the sheer desire, Jack leaving risen red marks over his neck and shoulders soon to fade. He never left marks, though he had many dark hickeys littered across his long pale neck and deep scratches into his hips from Mark. No one asked, so he assumed either everyone knew, or they left it to him partying again. The Grumps were one of few groups in the school who new for a fact that the latter was not the case.

Jack whined into the kiss, and sighed when the other immediately pulled away from him, removing the grip from his hips. All he'd really wanted was a kiss, but there was always that deeper desire that he barely controlled. He'd opened himself a lot to the world since he'd agreed with Mark to stop hiding things, Wade and Bob had even become close friends and he found people had started to drift around him more and stopped avoiding him like the Grim Reaper. He'd been confused, and even asked Suzy why this was, and she told him he just looked happier, which made people around him have a happier energy too. It made him wonder why he ever was like he had been- but then he knew, it was because he was insecure, and didn't trust anyone enough to really let them in.

Maybe that had changed, but Mark was still the same. Said male ran his fingers through his hair and hissed out a frustrated sigh, taking a few steps away from Jack. He watched him step away, his guilt tinted baby blues watching Mark's troubled dark eyes, laced with an underlying anger. He shouldn't have made an advance on Mark again, he knew that he wasn't ready to get back into the intimate side of their relationship again, and they couldn't just fuck all the time like they used to, but it'd been so long. It was frustrating, and Mark reflected that well, but he still felt guilty for making the advance anyway. This never would have happened if he weren't such a slut, if he'd not agreed to hurt his lover.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one is shorter than you're used to seeing from me, but I'm trying to stick to under 1500-2000 words. I'll probably get carried away again but, neh. Yeah, I'll be wrapping this up soon hopefully, be prepared for another short chapter with foreshadowing/flashbacks next since, if you didn't notice, there was none of that italics in this chapter.
> 
> I think you guys are gonna really be surprised by what I have planned, but it's also fine if you know what's going to happen- I was kind of planning the italics in each chapter to give you information to guess on anyway.
> 
> -Vera


	5. Wanting You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here have flashback. Song is FOOLS by Troye Sivan, have fun with that.

_It was a normal day walking to class like any other day, shoulders back and head up with the posture he always had despite his short stature. He hummed to himself for a moment, before slipping through the doorway to the men's room to wash his hands of the pen ink that had leaked on them earlier. He cursed when it didn't come out right away, rubbing at his palms furiously but the attempt was futile. He pumped some soap onto his hands and tried again, finally succeeding in getting the ink off and leaving streaks of blue down the sink to the drain. He didn't notice right away the smell of pot that drifted off Jack when he stumbled in, but it was so strong it caused him to cough, glaring over at the Irishman._

_Jack snorted, sneering at Mark in contempt and slurring. "Jus' look at t'at, thhh... Mr. Council o' th' s-studen' body is-s 'ere." He laughed spitefully, his words sounded weird and he was aware of the odd sound on his tongue, alike to the stumbling in being a result of alcohol and drugs put together. The 'Daily Diet' as he saw it, as if he actually drank and smoked daily which he did not, but only when the world ticked him off a little more than he ought to have to put up with. He dragged his feet over to Mark and suddenly lashed out, grabbing his shirt collar on the second attempt and pulling him close. Mark tried to pull away, startled, pulling at Jack's wrist to get him to let go. "Hey, what- let go!" He stumbled forward almost falling into Jack, one of his shoulders hitting the other's and he winced._

_"Mmm, no." Jack hummed, hooking his other arm around Mark's neck when he tried to pull away and pulling his face forward to meet his. He felt Jack's lips press to his roughly, and it made his attempts to get away get more frantic, he couldn't step back or turn his head so instead he put a wet palm on the side of Jack's face and forced him to turn away. The other grunted and scrunched up his face, while Mark took advantage of his surprise to duck out of his grasp. He tried to walk around him, but his foot hooked Jack's ankle and caused him to fall back against the counter. He stumble-hopped onto his right foot, turning and watching Jack cautiously while he regained his composure, wiping his hands on his jeans. The former had both palms pressed into the counter top, a soft look of pleading on his face and he watched Mark's face._

_"Maaark..." He whined, his head lolling back before he burst out in a fit of drunken giggles, and Mark rolled his eyes. "You sound drunk- and smell like pot. You need to go home, I'm going to have to report this." Jack glared at him for a moment before he sighed, his expression softening and a small smile formed on his lips. "Sure." He responded coolly, standing straight with a bit of a stumble and striding over to him, slipping his arms around Mark's torso when he got close enough. Now irritated, Mark gave up trying to get Jack away from him and instead stood his ground. "McLoughlin, what the hell? How fucked up are you?" He looked into the other's eyes with a slight glare, the question was quite honest, because he had no clue what all Jack was on but it made him very uncomfortable._

_The other giggled at him in response, "m jus' s'me liquor an' a joint." He shrugged as if it was no big deal, but it probably wasn't a big deal to Jack, at least he didn't seem bothered by it. Jack rocked on his heals for a second, before leaning up to his ear and breathing in his ear for a moment. He was about to turn his head when he heard Jack murmur something to him, something he never thought he'd ever hear from Jack of all people. "I want you..." He blinked, stunned for a moment, and the other took full advantage of that. He kissed right below Mark's ear, moving up along his jaw line, and he stood there still confused by the situation in all that it was. When Jack pressed their lips together it wasn't like the 'attack' he'd attempted earlier, it was soft and sweet, and he couldn't help melting into it after a moment._

_Jack licked his bottom lip, and Mark parted them slightly, allowing the other's tongue into his mouth. He pressed himself closer to Jack and brought one arm around his waist, the other arm reaching up to his hair, gripping it softly. He heard a sigh and Jack pulled away, nipping Mark's lip as he did so, and he rested his forehead against the other's. "Y've got nnnooo clue... how long I've wanted that." Jack whispered, feeling Mark's fingers running through his hair while the other was trying to understand what exactly was happening. He opened his eyes and looked into Mark's confused gaze, and running his hands up his back over his shoulders, pressing a few more light, short kisses to his lips._

_He didn't know what changed in that moment, when it changed even, or who initiated it, but he soon found himself being lead by Jack back towards one of the bathroom stalls. Their short sweet kisses had turned fiery and wanting, and he stumbled a bit when Jack pulled away and yanked him the rest of the way into the stall, pushing the door shut and locked behind them. He moved his lips down to Jack's neck, nibbling and kissing down the expanse, leaving a hickey on the other's collarbone when he got there while he felt hands move to his hips. He ran his own palms up the back of the barely shorter man's torso, feeling the hot skin there and pressing Jack closer to him._

_He held Mark's hips with a hand on either side, and tried to stifle a moan as kisses were left down his neck. He moved a hand around to Mark's butt to squeeze him and sighing in content when the other let out a quiet noise and moved his hips forward slightly, pressing his forehead to Jack's shoulder. Satisfied with the reaction he grind his hips against the other's and let out a quiet moan into Mark's ear, he sucked in a breath when in retaliation Mark rubbed at the bulge in his jeans. He pushed his hips forward into Mark's hand and quipped a short whine, pressing a kiss to the corner of Mark's mouth. Mark threw his elbows over his shoulders and he rested his own hands on the other's hips again, pulling him forward to grind their hips together._

_The bitter taste of alcohol mixed in his mouth with the sour taste of the smoke Jack had earlier consumed, which was slightly off putting but when the other male grind their hips together that thought left him, and he wanted nothing more than to create more friction between them. They continued just thrusting their hips against each other, rubbing their clothed erections together and murmuring unintelligible things. He turned Jack in his arms, halting their motions for a moment before pressing his hips against Jack's ass, rubbing at his crotch as well. Jack leaned forward and placed his hands on the wall, bracing himself while Mark dry humped him and rubbed at his dick._

_Mark could feel his thrusts starting to get slightly erratic, and decided to reach his hand into Jack's tight jeans, pulling out his dick and stroking it to his pace, hearing the other's heavy breaths pick up pace and short whines and moans come out despite his attempt to quiet them. In a spark of pure pleasure, he felt Mark get still behind him, and the large hand grasping his dick squeezing, pushing him past the final barrier and finally allowing him to cum. He came pretty hard, to a point where Mark had to put an arm under him to hold him up, pulling him back against Mark's front when he'd recovered._

_He'd probably sobered up somewhere during that, and could feel common sense breaking the barriers of his mind to take the front attention as he realized what exactly he'd done. He turned to look up at Mark, feeling a pang of regret. "You can't say anything about this Fischbach- I swear if you... If... Jus'..." He trailed off, the hot feeling of approaching tears pricking his eyes. "I swear, I'll... I'll do whatever you want. Give you anything, do anything for you- You can have my whole life, just don't... don't tell anybody." He held back a sob, pressing his face into Mark's shoulder while they embraced. Mark was shocked by that, but held Jack close regardless. "I promise, I wont tell a soul..."_


	6. Kiss Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were getting closer than ever to each other, in so many different ways than they ever had before- but in only another year they'd be leaving this place. What would that mean for them?

_It hadn't occurred to him to expect something like this to happen to him, he never really made any enemies anymore. Even before, no one hated him exactly- perhaps this wasn't a hate thing, he thought to himself, lying cold on the bed with a blanket clutched tightly to his chest. Maybe this was a jealousy thing, or an anger thing? And what right did that give anyone to vent on him, so it probably wasn't that. Maybe it was a revenge thing, that would make sense. He thought back to the situation of earlier, he'd said no and that hadn't mattered. It's always mattered, or so he could have sworn he'd been taught "no" mattered, but then he hadn't ever said no before either._

_He shudders at the cold, sick feeling settling in the pit of his stomach, an almost anxious feeling he couldn't seem to push away that gave him shivers as he thought back. He's never felt so terrified or disgusted, but then he's pretty sure the main feelings that are haunting him are neither. He dreads everything about the whole past hours and even every approaching second that passes, and he is ashamed of himself for doing little to nothing in self defense, he should have fought harder._

_He was shocked, if anything, when it happened because he never would have expected it. Not in a million years would he expect such a thing of one of the people whom he knew and- even loved, god what a fool he'd been. His bottom lip trembled and he bit it to stop the shaking, tasting the dried blood that had formed there, a metallic salty taste that made his stomach turn._

_He squeezed his eyes shut, the cold room around him was so quiet and every corner haunted him, he was tired of staring at the beige walls that should have been warm. He could say for a fact that they were absolutely not, and now they were stained by the memories that would torment him forever more. He couldn't push the reminders out of his mind, glimpses coming back to him. He involuntarily curled his legs into himself more, a quiet whine leaving him as he tried to come to terms with this all- to come to terms with himself._

_Every second lying there made him lose a sliver of his usual energy and pride, tingles spreading through his limbs and his shoulders hiked up, his breath breaking here and there. It was a matter of minutes, or it could have been hours, that every piece of him he's built up, lost, and rebuilt to be a better man, had crumbled down. Everything feels torn and wrecked, shattered to a point that it was like dust of glass, impossible to put back together because there's no shards left. He realized with a harsh sob and boiling tears burning down his face almost suddenly, that he was just that._

_Broken._

It's been so long since the events of the previous school year, and both Mark and Jack had reformed their relationship into something with more structure than it had ever been. Not only that, but Jack had completely rebuilt who he was to the people of his school, and found acceptance in his peers. Though there were still many he refused to go near anymore, mainly Ken, and not because they hadn't been amazing friends once along with Felix, but because he'd crossed a line of trust Jack never felt like he had to draw.

It wasn't that the sex hadn't been consented, if anything he'd been more than willing to have intercourse with Ken, but he'd been extremely intoxicated and also under the effects of drugs. Which, in hindsight, was his own fault as well, but he still should have known better. Jack had been taken advantage of, Ken didn't do drugs or smoke and had drank significantly less than him, so he'd come onto Jack of his own accord.

He no longer associated with Felix, either, and he spent a lot less time and money on drugs, and gave up alcohol. In the end he'd decided it for Mark's sake, he wasn't the only reason for Jack to step away from it all, but he was a huge part of shoving him off the fence to actually bettering himself in that way. At least this way he knew when his decisions could and could not be taken seriously, and in the end he had ended making much better choices.

He's also been avoiding any intimate interaction with Mark since the incident, which the latter appeared to be irritated with. He was just wary, unsure of doing anything until he was definitely sure his love was feeling better and at full health, not that there would ever be a repeat of what had happened that day. Preferably he'd never 'dom' again, especially not with Mark, though he hoped not to be in another relationship. Maybe he was just looking too much into the future, Jack decided, finally tuning more into the horror movie playing on Mark's television screen.

They had decided on a movie night, to watch some cheesy horror flicks all night, the first time in months since Jack has spent the night. Of course it was just a pry of Mark trying to sleep with him again, he'd been making attempts across the board for so long now, Jack simply finding an out or plainly stating 'no' and leaving an awkward feeling between them.

He wasn't sure when he'd finally submit to not only Mark's, but also his own desires, all he knew is that he wasn't ready to go there again quite yet. He'd often scoff to himself about how it should be the other way around, but then it had been to Mark's request and demand, and much to his own reluctance. His eyes darted across the television screen while he played with the hem of his shirt, watching the horror movie chase scene play out.

Mark's quick movement caught his eye when said man flinched at a jump scare, and Jack chuckled under his breath quietly. "And you call yourself a lover of all things 'horror'?" He grinned a challenge to Mark, eyes shining with a mischief that made the former swallow hard, but returning a glare. "You can't even handle cheap jump scares." He frowned when his lover barked out with laughter, throwing his head back. "Oh, please! What about that movie we watched in the Summer?" He pried.

Jack felt his face warm in embarrassment in the reminder of their Summer movie-outing, where he'd been so scared he was practically on Mark's lap. Crossing his arms and leaning back, his expression turned slightly pouted while he watched Mark. "That was different, that was actually scary- this is just petty jump scares!" He objected, running a hand over his green dyed hair, Mark watching the movement intently.

Mark bit his lip, running his teeth over it's smooth surface before breathing a small sigh, turning back to the movie and lifting his arm- offering for Jack to come over to him. He took the offer, pressed into the warmth of his boyfriend's side, and gazed up at him once more before his focus found the scene of gore in front of him.

He had, at some point, completely zoned out to the movie, staring at the screen in silence completely unaware of anything else. That was, until he saw Mark watching him out of the corner of his eye, how long had he been watching Jack? He nibbled his bottom lip slightly, before turning at him and giving him a knowing look, "Just couldn't help staring could ye?"

He watched Mark's face change, from admiration to surprise and embarrassment in a split second, before he settled on smiling softly to his lover. That damned smile melted his heart every time, and he laughed at Mark's reply. "Of course, why would I want to look anywhere else with a creature as beautiful as you are in front of me. You're practically a world wonder on your own, Jack." He smacked his shoulder, giving the pink haired male a sassy look before swinging a leg over Mark, sitting on his lap.

"You fockin' sap! Have you even looked in the mirror?" He placed his arms loosely around Mark's neck and leaned in to press a gentle kiss to the corner of said other's lips, humming when the favor was returned, and being pulled into an actual kiss. The kiss was sweet and slow, gentle, and he melted into it, his entire body fit so nicely against Mark it was like a jigsaw puzzle- there would never be anyone else to fit that place for him.

His fingers found their way into soft, pink hair, running over his lover's scalp and earning a quiet hum from him. He sighed through his nose when he felt Mark's palms on his lower back, one moving up to grasp at the small, soft hairs on the back of his neck, the other drifting to his hip. After a moment, he brought his arms back down around my torso tightly and shifted so he was sitting up straight, more in control.

The kiss quickly became something passionate and filled with desire, and he felt his resolve weakening while Mark moved his hand from the slender hip of his lover up his side and under his shirt, feeling Jack whine through the kiss while he moved his hand higher. He managed to break away from Mark's lips long enough to give a slight protest, "Mark-" before he was caught up in another kiss, and he heard the zipper to his hoodie being dragged down.

It was quite sudden, one moment he was kneeling on either side of Mark and kissing said man, the next he was void of his hoodie and shirt, and pressed on his back into the couch cushions by Mark leaning over him. He shivered as he felt nails glide gently down his torso, sighing as Mark pulled from the kiss to press gentle ones to his neck, before he grunted at a bite placed on his collar bone.

He felt butterflies awaken in his stomach as Mark's touch moved lower and lower, one hand finding it's fingers curled around the waist of his jeans and the other rubbing at his crotch, causing him to whine and his lower back to arch upward into Mark. It was like a light switch burst to life in his mind when he felt his lover pressing gentle kisses down the center of his stomach, following the light trail of hair there.

He immediately sat up straight and pushed Mark away, shuddering at the loss of contact all the sudden, but he sat up properly and turned away regardless. "C'mon Mark..." He said in disappointment, looking over at a rather guilty looking Mark sitting on his knees facing Jack. He sighed and moved away back to where he had been before, ruffling his hot pink hair into somewhat of a mess. "I know, I'm sorry..."

"I just, we only have so long together and then..." He cut himself off, and then what? That was exactly it, neither of them knew what they would do after that, which was what they found to be worrying. Jack took a deep breath, scooting over on the couch to put an arm around Mark's shoulders in comfort, trying to ignore the erection that he had been trying to will away.

"I know... We will, okay? Just not here, and not now." He nuzzled his nose into Mark's neck, his warm breath drifting over the slightly tanned skin. "I'm not ready yet, but I promise you, soon." It sounded like he was a virgin all over again, the way he constantly refused Mark even when his body clearly betrayed him, even though he was  _far_ from it. He used to be teased by his lover about that, at the start, but he laughed it off and rolled his eyes.

It wasn't long before he found himself lying half on top of a sleeping Mark, glasses askew and hair absolutely everywhere, tracing his fingers over his skin in swirls. He was careful not to wake him as he pressed light and gentle kisses to his lover's exposed collar bone, neck, and jaw, whispering quiet and sweet words to him in the way he often remembered Felix doing the same to him, and he faked sleeping.

He suddenly felt guilty thinking about it, and even slightly disgusted at the memory of his old friend in the past year, of course if he had to blame anybody he should blame himself, but he didn't- Jack blamed Felix for it all. At the same time he thanks him, for this sweet and gentle moment and many others could never have happened if it weren't for him.

 _"You're not him,"_ he whispered, breath passing lightly over Mark's ear as he spoke, the familiar sting of rising tears causing him to take a breath before continuing.

 _"You're so beautiful, Mark... my, wonderful, beautiful creature. And all I ever want to do ever is just kiss you."_ He spoke softly, squeezing his eyes shut and pressing his face into Mark's neck. He jumped at the sudden rumbling voice, leaning back to find Mark watching him.

"Then do it," He said, looking up dreamily, clearly barely awake. "Kiss me."

So he did, not like the kiss they shared earlier, but simple and sweet, soft, with no tongues and no teeth, just an affectionate kiss. Then, he rested his head on Mark's chest, and found himself asleep in only moments, listening to the heart beat of his one and only love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The foreshadowing and current timeline are about to connect, soon my lovely readers! Unfortunately, after this chapter everything goes to hell and gets darker so don't read it if you're sensitive, I'm not sure if the foreshadowing in this chapter is any indication but it's kind of? Anyway, darker themes incoming (as if any of the previous chapters were "light", I'd roll my eyes at myself if I could manage that in text) so yeah, be prepared or don't read them.
> 
> I don't mind either way.
> 
> (I also wrote this chapter twice after the italics- I finished the italics and first three paragraphs and saved it, realized I hated it, and closed without saving and left it a few days... Writer's Life, right?)
> 
> -Vera


	7. Eye of the Storm

_"You haven't noticed it yet, have you?" He watched in confusion as his friend spoke in concern and exasperation, making him feel as if he was missing out on some universally known fact. Maybe he was, after what he'd just been asked. "Noticed what exactly, Bob?"_

_He frowned, crossing his arms against his chest and leaning into the lockers behind him while Bob shifted from foot to foot searching for his wording, frowning slightly as he looked back to Mark. "God you haven't noticed, have you... have you been watching Jack at all today?" He rolled his eyes, that was a stupid question. Of course he watched Jack, he was constantly watching him, but that worried him- that even watching Jack, he hadn't noticed anything different._

_"He always has his back against the wall, always in corners...? He's always slumping or curling in on himself? The sudden, shocking reactions to certain words or topics?" Mark slowly shook his head, what was Bob trying to say? Maybe it was just a bad day for Jack, except he realized- this has been happening for almost a week. "What are you trying to say, Bob?" He sighed, rocking on his heals slightly._

_"I'm saying something's very, frighteningly wrong going on in that head of his. And you, the love of his life supposedly, are not noticing it." He suddenly felt a chill of guilt slide down his spine and he stood up straight, he should find Jack. If Bob was right- something was indeed horribly wrong._

_Why didn't he notice?_

_He should have known._

He sat up straight in Mark's bed, blinking twice in confusion while he examined the other's eyes for any sign of humor. "What?" With an even, calm tone, Mark slowly sat up facing him and took his hands into his own. "I want to marry you, Sean William McLoughlin, and I  _swear_ ," He spoke with determination, holding their gaze steady. "nothing will stop me." His breath hitched, a lump caught in his throat, struggling to hold back the tears that threatened to fall against his will.

"Mark-" Jack reached forward and pulled him to his chest, finally letting the tears seep out down his cheeks in his joy, pressing as close to Mark as possible. "G-god, I love you, s-so, so much..." He sobbed, Mark whispering comfort and small 'I love you's into his ear as well, holding him just as tightly in the embrace. He doesn't have any second thoughts when Mark asks him, and places his hands on either side of his shoulder's on the bed under them when Mark leans back, pressing short chaste kisses to his boyfriends lips.

"Yes- god, yes Mark!" He sobbed harder, pressing another kiss to the other man's lips, taking more time this time. "I'll... I'll marry you." He sighed, laughing through the tears at the suddenness of it all, smiling as Mark sat forward again and he leaned back. He felt Mark's eyes watching him intensely as the cold silver band slid smoothly onto his finger, as if it was meant to be his all along, as if it belonged there.

Of course at that thought he wept harder, throwing his arms around Mark's neck again and pulling him close, leaving feather light kisses down the side of his face and his neck. He rested his forehead in the nape of Mark's neck, drinking in the scent of his lover like he had so many times before, and somehow it never quite meant as much before. He felt Mark's hands running up his back and through his hair and back down to his shoulder blades, whispered praise and love echoing in his ears.

It was the happiest moment of his life, and he was going to cherish it forever, he knew, however long forever was he had yet to learn. He fell asleep that night cuddled closely into Mark, listening to his lover's heartbeat while said man ran light finger tips over his back.

He still recalled that night fondly, only a few days before, and it was absolutely wonderful. He had never expected it- they were just lying in Mark's bed watching Rick and Morty together and laughing, doing horrible impressions even, when Mark had proposed to him. He could still feel the tinge of threatening tears and the flourish of butterflies in his stomach at the memory, it was so sweet, so cheesy, but he'd never had expected it and he knew that's exactly how his now-fiance had wanted it. And tonight Arin was throwing them an engagement party, and while Sean had originally bean weary, Mark promised to be by his side all night.

He wanted nothing more than that, to be with Mark in a celebration of their love, surrounded by their friends. He'd long since forgiven Ken and Felix, and though Ken said he felt like it would be wrong to be there and he was busy anyway his girlfriend would be there in his stead, and Fe promised to be there. Nothing could stop the weird flip flop of dread in his stomach though, he didn't know what he was expecting tonight but he felt like he was weirdly on-edge.

Maybe it was nervous jitters- if he was like this now, he chuckled quietly to himself, he wondered what it would be like walking down the aisle with everyone watching him. That idea sent a flutter down his spine, and he shook it off. He approached the Grumps, who were mostly standing around arguing with the sadistic Ross, while Danny and Suzy were swapping pot, still arguing about who's was better.

He rolled his eyes and nudged Danny, stopped their conversation. "Suzy's weed is always better man, to be honest. I don't know what she does to it." Danny glared with a sigh, taking his joint back from her while she gave a fist pump of victory and cheered. "Want some?" Dan offered, holding it out to him, and he raised an eyebrow at him. Suzy stepped in swatting at his hand, practically bristling. "He can't be high today, Dan! It's  _his_  engagement party tonight!" She hissed.

Dan sighed, putting it back in his mouth and taking a draw. "Whatever, I guess." He said in a joking voice, patting Jack's shoulder to which he grinned at. "Yeah, thanks for the offer anyway man." He sighed, smoothing over his green hair, imagining what they would look like at a white wedding with brightly colored hair, which made him laugh audibly. "What?" Arin asked, looking over at him. "Just thinking about," He gestured to his hair, which got a smile out of the others too. "what I'll look like in a white tux and bright green hair."

"When is the wedding anyway?" Suze asked, drawing from her joint again, but a low voice answered for him. "No clue yet." He felt a gentle kiss to his cheek, and looked over to see Mark, whom he returned an affectionate kiss to. The Grumps groaned, though Ross and Suzy cheered, Ross mostly because of everygrump's misery at the overdose of romance and publicly displayed affection.

Which, Sean realized after a while of sharing a kiss with Mark, had lasted far longer than he intended, and he pushed back on Mark a bit to separate from the kiss. They both stood quietly with their friends, while Wade and Bob joined eventually. While in the middle of a discussion of which Nintendo Game was best, he felt Mark's breath on his ear, hearing him murmur. "Are you excited for the party tonight?"

He glanced up to Mark before back to his friends offering a smile, and nodding as if he was paying attention. "No, I'm nervous." He mumbled, feeling Mark's frown directed at him, in a silent question, which he was quick to voice. "Why? It's all in celebration of you, you know." He said in a hushed tone, pressing his nose into Jack's hair and catching the scent of his ironically green apple scented shampoo. "I don't know." He spoke truthfully.

After the bell rung and they all dispersed to their classes, Jack didn't see Mark for the rest of the day. He walked home, taking in the cool air, it would probably rain soon. When he got home the wall of warmth that hit him was well welcome, making him shudder at the sudden change in temperature, and he raced up the stairs. After going for a quick shower and blow-drying his absolutely impossible hair, he found himself digging through his closet for something to wear.

He didn't want to wear a tux- he knew Mark would probably wear the casual tux he had bought for a business trip with his brother once, but he didn't have a  _casual-formal_ wardrobe it was one or the other. So instead he found himself doing something he never though he would ever have to, something he'd avoided his whole life so far as a younger sibling... he asked his older sisters for help.

They decided to get him to wear the black pants that usually went with his suit, paired with his usual black converse and a white dress shirt, which his oldest sister demanded he leave the top button of undone. They also messed with his hair, using an assortment of their different brushes and hairsprays, and he was practically choking on the chemicals in the air. When he finally pushed them away and they let him look in the mirror, he was impressed with what they managed to do.

With that being said, he now only had one thing to wait for, which was Mark to arrive and pick him up. When he finally showed up, they shared a chaste kiss at the door and immediately left, getting into Mark's little black car. He was led to the car by the hand, and Mark held the door open for him, waiting for him to get in before getting in himself and starting the car.

When they arrived, almost everyone had arrived there and music was blasting, there was food and drinks set up on the desks and tables that Arin and the other Grump's computers usually lived on. He assumed that they must have been moved to the little room they had around the corner, which had a lock on it to protect the precious secrets on the many computers- a lot of porn, as Mark had told him, though in all seriousness Arin had said they had a lot of game dev stuff on there.

He was immediately greeted at the door by Ross's girlfriend Holly, whom he'd only met once since she went to a christian school, rather ironic for her to be dating the devil incarnate. She and a few of Mark's many female friends fawned over him, and he looked to Mark for an escape, to which he smiled sweetly and slipped away to join Danny at a table with food.

His mind almost went into a panic, if it weren't for a harsh tug on his arm dragging him away from the girls, a slender arm finding its way around Sean's shoulders. He looked over to thank whoever it was to find a familiar blond man leading him towards where Mark was standing, deep in conversation with Danny, he whispered thank you as he took his place beside Mark.

"Hey Marki, I found your fiance being mobbed." The blonde said in an amused tone tinged with a British accent, to which Mark grinned at and pulled him into a hug. Jack watched in confusion as the two embraced, and looked up at Mark in question when they separated. "Oh- love, this is Yami- er... Aaron." He corrected himself slowly, gesturing to the blonde he now knew as Aaron.

Jack forced a smile and offered a hand to shake, Aaron watching him nervously, while he kept their contact brief. He couldn't place why it was, but something about Aaron made him feel... it was like the feeling he had about being here. Dread.

He almost felt physically sick meeting Aaron's eye, though he found no negative emotion in his body language or expression. "What is he doing here?" He asked very quietly, not wanting to offend Mark's friend, but also confused to why he's never met him. Mark frowned slightly and gave Danny and Aaron a smile before dragging him into a nearby corner, Suzy gave them a not-much-appreciated catcall on their way, and he felt very trapped. Ironic because he was, quite literally, cornered.

"He's uh- he's an old friend of mine. And Felix's, too as it happens." He started, rubbing the back of his neck and running his fingers through his sunset hair, which Jack knew as a hint of him lying or not telling the full story. "Mark, we promised to be honest."

"I-" He interrupted Mark, looking into his eyes intensely, " _entirely._ Honest." He stated firmly, crossing his arms while he waited for Mark to speak up and tell the full truth, which he did with a sigh. "He was an ex of mine, actually he was my..." He drifted off, glancing over his shoulder while Felix walked past, deciding it was fine for him to hear. "He was my submissive."

"You-!" Jack gasped, choked for words after that, glancing over Mark's shoulder as Felix disappeared in the crowd again. "Felix, he-?" He suggested exasperatedly, gesturing towards the direction said Swedish man had disappeared. "Well, yes, Felix introduced him to me, but I'm not... you know I'm not a dominant by any means." He snorted at that, sure he knew that pretty well, but it still didn't explain why he was here. "So why did you invite an 'ex-submissive' to our engagement party? I don't know him."

The way he said it was almost venomously, and he felt bad for it, but he just had an off feeling about the guy and he wanted to know. Everyone else at the party he had met once before, besides Aaron, so it was a perfectly logical question. "I know. I wanted you to meet him, and besides he's leaving for England on Monday. It'll be the last time I see him." He explained, sighing and staring at his feet. "I promise he's not trouble- he's actually really shy, and quiet."

He glanced over Mark's shoulder again, searching for Aaron, soon spotting him practically hiding behind Wade while the other talked with Bob and Day. He sighed, leaning forward to put a kiss on Mark's cheek while he pushed his way out of the corner. "Alright. I know we said we'd stick together the whole time, but I'll be okay- go talk to your friends." Mark asked him a few more  _annoying_ times if he was sure before disappearing into the crowd hesitantly.

Jack walked over to where Molly and Mandy were standing, talking about something or other, and decided to join in. He was very quickly greeted and given hugs from both women before they explained what they were talking about, which happened to be Don't Starve. He pretty much just nodded along.

Felix watched Jack from a distance and sighed, looking back to the conversation at hand where he stood beside Mark, Arin, and Suzy standing across from them. "That is complete  _bull_ , I beat you fair and square!" Mark argued, Arin defying his attempts and Suzy rolling her eyes, while he continued to smile and force a laugh. Where was Aaron? He should be here by now to take the drink he'd been pretending to drink for almost twenty minutes now.

Just as he thought that, he felt a kiss pressed to his neck and a hand grip his cup, another hand reaching into his back pocket and taking something. "About time! There you are Yami." Felix cooed, giving him almost a death glare when he was facing away from his friends, to which 'Yami', or Aaron, shrugged. "I got a little held up, talking to people y'know!" He watched the Brit fake a sip at his drink, turning and walking away while Felix decided to follow.

 _"How much of this do I put in?"_ Aaron took a deep breath, looking into the cup he was carrying in his right hand, his left hand carrying a cup of water.  _"Usually only two, but Jack will recognize it immediately, it wont be strong enough."_ He felt like a clock was ticking like a bomb in his ear, the usual chatter of people fading together in mumbles as he walked up to the green haired man.  _"So what, three?"_

He'd already heard Felix telling Mark that Jack was looking for him, that his Fiance felt sick and needed him.  _"No- four. I need him out like a light, okay?"_ He threw back the cup of water in his left hand, swallowing the contents, and leaning on the counter behind Jack.  _"Drink the water, it's double cupped so separate them before you put them down. Make it look like he's been drinking more than he has- he's already got a few near him."_ He grabbed Jack's half-full cup that had raspberry juice in it, switching it for the cup in his hand that held the same contents, so it seemed.

It had about a centimeter of liquid at the bottom, enough to dissolve what he'd put in it, and he stepped beside Molly to join the conversation. "Hey Molls! It's been a while!" She greeted him with a hug and a smile, while he glanced nervously over to where he saw Mark approaching. "Hey man, sorry I haven't talked to you much tonight- Fe's been keeping me busy. Toast to you and Mark?" He offered, holding up the cup.

Jack nodded with a smile, tapping his cup to Aaron's before drinking what was left at the bottom. "Hnn-!" He coughed into his elbow, while Aaron watched on in mock concern, while Mark stepped up and placed a comforting hand on his back. "Hun, are you okay?"

Jack immediately gagged, lurching forward before saying quickly, "I'm gonna be sick!" before taking off for the bathroom. Mark looked on in concern, about to step forward when Aaron stepped in, placing a hand on his chest to stop him. "Hey, don't worry about it. I'll take care of it. He's just been, um, drinking a bit tonight." Mark glanced to the cups Aaron gestured to and frowned, but nodded anyway taking the bait. "Alright, well... thanks Yami."

He turned and walked towards the bathroom, feeling the presence of Felix right behind him, and he walked into the bathroom while Felix stayed out. He was immediately hit with the scent of vomit and the sound of Jack dry heaving into the toilet, kneeling down next to him. "Don't worry Jack, I know it's bad, but it'll get better. You're just dehydrated, and probably tired." He watched the other nod, before pulling back, and Yami pulled him close with an arm over his shoulder.

"Hey, chin up. This whole party is to celebrate you and Mark, you're just sick, it'll pass. Do you want to go lay down?" Jack nodded, sweat making the tips of his hair stick to his forehead, which Aaron wiped away by running his fingers through his green floof. "Alright, c'mon bud." He helped the sickened man to his feet, and led him out of the bathroom, Felix stepping in. "Hey, Jack are you alright? Dude, come lay down, I got my car out front- here Yami I'll take him."

Jack felt himself get passed from one man to the other and Felix scooped him up bridal style which he was grateful for, he was losing feeling in his legs and his tongue felt fuzzy, all his limbs heavy. He realized with a sudden spike of panic that he recognized this feeling, and tried to struggle but his efforts were worthless, and he was suddenly tossed into the back seat of Felix's car.

It wasn't long until the car lurched into motion, and he would have puked again if there was anything in his stomach  _to_ puke. There wasn't, so he just dry heaved a few times, until his eyelids got impossibly hard to hold open, and fell shut. He passed out, the last sounds in his ears were muttered words from Felix.

_"Do you see, Jack? What happens when you stray too far?"_


	8. Peace of Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning. As you might have suspected, this chapter has non-consented 'activities' so if you feel you might be effected by it, skip the parts in between the bold underlined parts saying "you can skip this" and "you can keep reading now", or don't read it please. There will also be self harm here, so it you have problems with that, or both, don't read it at all.

_**-you can skip this-** _

He tried so hard to speak, but he couldn't control his tongue and it came out in a whine instead, and a quiet laugh sent sparks down his spine. He was starting to wake up again, and he watched a dark figure sitting on a chair at the end of the bed as they stared at him through the dark, as if they were waiting for him to wake up. He wished they hadn't waited for him to come to, he didn't want to remember this, he didn't want whatever he'd been drugged with to wear off so that he'd have no choice to  _feel_ this.

After a few minutes he tried to speak again, and it came out in mumbles at first until he managed to push through the haze. "Pl... please, goh... oh, g-god please..." His voice was still faint, but he saw the figure get up to walk over to him, the figure who was sitting there he suddenly recognized as Felix. "What was that?" He asked, kneeling beside the bed.

"D-Don't. Don't d-do this..." He coughed, trying even harder to talk through the drugs that were quickly dissipating, even if he wished he could just go back to sleep. Felix instead grinned, one of his unpredictable smiles- if it could be called a smile. His stomach fluttered in fear, and he tried to move away, finding his wrists tied tightly to a bed post. "F-Felix-!" He cried out in fear, trying to kick at him when he leaned over Jack to pull the blanket that had been over him away.

He only landed a weak hit, the haze still hovering in his mind enough to muffle his abilities of movement, and Felix looked at him in disappointment. He watched Felix walk around to the other side of the bed, disappearing behind him, and tried to struggle again in his panic. He managed to pull the rope looser on his wrists, but it still wasn't enough to pull them out, so he instead gave up on movement.

He wanted to struggle, to scream for help, to get away from whoever this was- it wasn't the Felix he knew. Maybe it was, and maybe the entire time he refused to see it, maybe there was a lot about his friends that went over his head. He was just too tired to do anything, wide awake now but physically exhausted. The blanket was removed from him, and he realized through his still slow mind that he was only in his boxers, which had not been the case when he'd been carried to the car that brought him here.

How long had he been out for? There was no telling, and he couldn't focus on it much when he felt a cold hand pinning his ankles, the bed sinking behind him slightly when Felix got on behind him. "Easy, love." Felix spoke, moving him onto his back to press kisses down his neck, and he realized with a dark, cold feeling what he was really doing here. A tear slid down his face, and he tried to speak again. "I don't... I-I don't want this, please,  Fe..." He mumbled, trying to keep as much of his breath as possible, so if the chance came he could scream for help.

"I know, it'll be over soon," Liar. "you just need to be taught a lesson." His stomach twisted endlessly while Felix continued what he had previously been doing, drawing circles down his bare chest and following the path with his lips. He wanted nothing more than to kneel Felix in the crotch, but unfortunately he knew better apparently, pinning his legs now with a shin across them.

After a while of trying and failing to get what he wanted from Jack, he got up and walked out of view. "You are always so stubborn, I thought it would be easier to get you into it, it was never hard before. You used to love me." He felt another chill go over his body and he turned his head to look over at Felix, who was walking over to him with a small cup of water and something in his hand. Before he could protest, a pill of some sort was being shoved down his throat, quickly followed by water to force him to swallow it.

"There, that should help. It'll make it hurt less- make it feel better." Felix sighed, sitting beside him and watching a clock, likely waiting for whatever it was to kick in. It wasn't long before Jack felt it, squirming at the tingling feeling that he usually would have loved under other circumstances, and Felix smiled smugly. "There we are. It's okay Jack, you just have to  _let_ it feel good, okay?"

He took this moment to put out his protests, now that he was sure of exactly what Felix was planning for him, he was planning to have sex with him. "No-  _no!_ " He cried out, no this wasn't the same, not like it had been before- before when he was willing, enthusiastic even, to do this with Felix. No, this was  _rape_. The realization, and putting a word to it, almost made him hysterical- he kept saying 'no', over and over and  _over_.

He only stopped when Felix threatened to gag him, tears running down his face as he gave a death glare to the other man, who was removing his only remaining clothing. He decided as a last minute decision to turn his face away and squeeze his eyes shut, to try to block it all out which proved harder than he expected when Felix started touching him, and he tried his best not to show any reactions- especially not any positive ones. Maybe if he wasn't responsive like he used to be, Felix would give up.

Unfortunately, he didn't, and his body had other plans, he couldn't stop the physical reactions and he instead steeled himself to thinking about other things while he felt Felix sucking him. Of course, his first thoughts went to Mark, unsuspecting  _Mark_ , who had left him with this trusted friend. Maybe Aaron hadn't known, but he didn't care, he blamed them. He was angry at first at Mark, for not being there to stop this, for not following after him.

Then he felt a deep cold pit in his stomach form underneath the unwanted pleasure, knowing that if he told Mark- what would he believe? Even if he was better, even if he had changed, Mark would sooner believe Jack had cheated on him than he'd been raped, and by  _Felix_ no less. He was having trouble believing it, and hadn't quite accepted it yet, he probably wouldn't until it stopped, until it was all over.

When he felt Felix pull off and try to start prepping him by inserting a finger, he struggled again, this time using more energy then before, trying as hard as he could. He managed to get a foot free, smashing his foot into the side of Felix's face. The Swede hissed a curse, before storming off, and it wasn't long before he felt himself get turned onto his back. His ankles were tied apart, to the board at the end of the bed, and Felix got on in between them.

Even forced to face him like this, he turned his head away and whispered all kinds of pleads lost on ears of a man who couldn't care less, 'please stop' 'don't do this' 'how could you do this' 'why would you do this' 'please, no, please' 'why me' 'what did I do to you' 'stop, please, just stop'. Eventually though, nothing. He stopped giving response, giving in to Felix with a sigh, keeping his face turned away but not trying to stop him anymore.

It was clear this was going to happen, whether or not he wanted it or consented to it, regardless of his begs and pleads. So he let it happen, feeling almost numb. What ever pill Felix had given him had only worked to keep him physically aroused, but any feeling of pleasure he'd felt before disappeared with his peace of mind. When Felix finally pushed into him, it hurt. It didn't matter that he'd been prepped right or that Felix had used lube, none of it mattered, his lack of response and the general emotional impact made it hurt.

When Felix was done, he finally pulled out. He stared at the far wall blankly while Felix ran his hand over Jack's dick, trying to get him to cum, which he eventually did though it stung from how sensitive he was. He gave little response besides arching his back off the bed slightly and drawing in air sharply, biting into his lips until it bled. After that, Felix got dressed and untied him, leaving. He pulled the blanket over him, as if it would make him feel less cold and exposed, it didn't. So instead, he fell asleep, not a restful sleep but one of nightmares about those he'd once trusted. It was quite a while until he woke.

_**-you can keep reading now-** _

It hadn't occurred to him to expect something like this to happen to him, he never really made any enemies anymore. Even before, no one hated him exactly- perhaps this wasn't a hate thing, he thought to himself, lying cold on the bed with a blanket clutched tightly to his chest. Maybe this was a jealousy thing, or an anger thing? And what right did that give anyone to vent on him, so it probably wasn't that. Maybe it was a revenge thing, that would make sense. He thought back to the situation of earlier, he'd said no and that hadn't mattered. It's always mattered, or so he could have sworn he'd been taught "no" mattered, but then he hadn't ever said no before either.

He shudders at the cold, sick feeling settling in the pit of his stomach, an almost anxious feeling he couldn't seem to push away that gave him shivers as he thought back. He's never felt so terrified or disgusted, but then he's pretty sure the main feelings that are haunting him are neither. He dreads everything about the whole past hours and even every approaching second that passes, and he is ashamed of himself for doing little to nothing in self defense, he should have fought harder.

He was shocked, if anything, when it happened because he never would have expected it. Not in a million years would he expect such a thing of one of the people whom he knew and- even loved, god what a fool he'd been. His bottom lip trembled and he bit it to stop the shaking, tasting the dried blood that had formed there, a metallic salty taste that made his stomach turn.

He squeezed his eyes shut, the cold room around him was so quiet and every corner haunted him, he was tired of staring at the beige walls that should have been warm. He could say for a fact that they were absolutely not, and now they were stained by the memories that would torment him forever. He couldn't push the reminders out of his mind, glimpses coming back to him. He involuntarily curled his legs into himself more, a quiet whine leaving him as he tried to come to terms with this all- to come to terms with himself.

Every second lying there made him lose a sliver of his usual energy and pride, tingles spreading through his limbs and his shoulders hiked up, his breath breaking here and there. It was a matter of minutes, or it could have been hours, that every piece of him he's built up, lost, and rebuilt to be a better man, had crumbled down. Everything feels torn and wrecked, shattered to a point that it was like dust of glass, impossible to put back together because there's no shards left. He realized with a harsh sob and boiling tears burning down his face almost suddenly, that he was just that.

Broken.

It took him a long, long time to get up out of that bed, to get dressed and find his way out of Felix's home. When the Swede's mother waved to him and said hello, he stared at her doe eyed for a second before waving back curtly, and picking up his pace to get to the door and get  _out_. He walked home, usually he'd take a bus or something, but he needed to be alone with himself.

The first thing that occurred to him when he stepped inside was to change his clothes, out of the formal- _ish_ clothes his sisters had picked for him that Felix had left for him to retrieve when he left. So he did that, he went for a cold shower and changed clothes, finding one of Mark's old shirts and a pair of dark blue jeans that probably belonged to Mark as well. He curled up on his bed and buried his nose in the fabric, drinking in Mark's scent off the shirt, it was like the real feeling of  _home_ , and his only source of safety.

It was a hard week, he was sure Bob and Wade had picked up on how his mannerisms had changed, and the certain words and such that he'd flinch at. Things that brought back memories. He didn't see Felix for a while, Mark said he'd caught Pneumonia or something. He called bullshit on that, but said nothing. The haunting memories kept coming back to haunt him, until very quickly he found himself more often that not using unhealthy,  _dangerous_ ways of forgetting.

The razor in his hand had never felt colder in his hand than it did when he used it like this, but he couldn't stop himself when the impulse rose. Unfortunately, Felix had to actually come back at some point. Sooner than he would have liked and the first time he spotted him, he was talking to Mark. The second he saw angry tears streaming down Mark's face, he went blank, turning and taking off in the other direction. As he pushed open the nearest washroom door he heard a short part of Felix's voice,  _"I'm sorry man, I just thought I should let you know- he hasn't really changed... I'm really sorry, he drugged me, I couldn't do anything, I just-"_

So that was what he'd told Mark, that he'd been the one guilty? He sighed, leaning against the bathroom stall, door shut but not locked, and pulled out the piece of metal that had become heavy by now and stained with every attempt to forget. This time he was going to end it for sure, he was going to make all the suffering stop- his own, and Mark's. He pressed the blade deep, dragging up instead of across, and it was like a drug taking him under. It was horrible, for a moment, and then... and then it was wonderful.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

The world is so quiet, but that one sound-

Drip. Drip. Drip.

It's like the sound of gunshot.

Drip. Drip. Drip.

Jack can't just tune it out, not this time.

Drip... Drip... Drip.

This'll be the last time. He. Swears. It.

Because this time will be the one to end him, the one to end it all for him. For everyone, and especially for Mark, who didn't deserve this. But too late, it seemed, as he started losing the rational part of his mind, he heard the bathroom door open and someone call his name.

Mark wiped away his tears, Bob standing in front of him in confusion, waiting for him to calm down. "You haven't noticed it yet, have you?" He watched in confusion as his friend spoke in concern and exasperation, making him feel as if he was missing out on some universally known fact. Maybe he was, after what he'd just been asked. "Noticed what exactly, Bob?"

He frowned, crossing his arms against his chest and leaning into the lockers behind him while Bob shifted from foot to foot searching for his wording, frowning slightly as he looked back to Mark. "God you haven't noticed, have you... have you been watching Jack at all today?" He rolled his eyes, that was a stupid question. Of course he watched Jack, he was constantly watching him, but that worried him- that even watching Jack, he hadn't noticed anything different.

"He always has his back against the wall, always in corners...? He's always slumping or curling in on himself? The sudden, shocking reactions to certain words or topics?" Mark slowly shook his head, what was Bob trying to say? Maybe it was just a bad day for Jack, except he realized- this has been happening for almost a week. "What are you trying to say, Bob?" He sighed, rocking on his heals slightly.

"I'm saying something's very, frighteningly wrong going on in that head of his. And you, the love of his life supposedly, are not noticing it. Someone's been lying to you, because whatever you are thinking right now- whatever you are mad it him for, it's not true." He suddenly felt a chill of guilt slide down his spine and he stood up straight, he should find Jack. If Bob was right- something was indeed horribly wrong.

Why didn't he notice?

He should have known.

He rushed in the direction he'd seen Felix go, calling Jack's name, and pushed open the washroom door to find a truly gut wrenching scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now if you excuse me. I'm late for a thing- like very late. So might have the next chapter up later, okay bye.


	9. Trails of Blood On His Skin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And, in reference to what you're about to read, I'm SORRY that this went the way it did. Try not to worry too much. I may have cried just a little writing this, honestly.

It was like everything blurred together in his irrational calm, lights were so bright and he could hear things through tunnels. Unsaturated green blurred with white... it could have been tile, he decided in his out-there mind that felt like it was wandering everywhere and nowhere. He'd felt so hot moments ago, it felt like his whole body was searing, like he was boiling under his skin as everything inside him bubbled. Now he was cold, and where that green and white blended was becoming stained by red, was it his eyes? Something was wrong, he knew that very damn well, and he knew what. He just couldn't focus enough realize his stupidity, after all, any other kid would just say he drunk too much, or was high off his balls, or was mixing alcohol with drugs... again.

He started faintly laughing at himself, it was so funny everything that was happening, the way the blurred colors swirled as he moved against something. A wall maybe, but it was colder than him, even. At first he thought he was losing consciousness when the green began to swirl again without him having even twitched, until it revealed more intricate colors behind it. It finally occurred to him, in another much louder bubble of hilarity, that this was a bathroom stall and that was the door opening.

Bright baby blues peered at him with horror and anger, but he couldn't bring himself to care as the angry male that had walked in on him stepped forward and grabbed his arm where it hurt, digging his fingers in. Ow. His vision pulsed into sharper views of the room around him as he felt his arm being yanked forward and he was thrust out onto the floor of the boy restrooms. When he looked behind him the red stains were still there, but they seemed to be following him- it has to be him seeing things.

A pair of faded grey shoes, stained from his vision as he'd decided, stepped into his lowered gaze. He felt a hand grab the hair at the back of his neck and pull it back, his mind making the world swirl again and making him jerk in the grip as he dry heaved. Had he already thrown up? Maybe he had, that would explain a lot. The face above him, once again blurred except the shining blue eyes, was about to say something when he stopped at the sound of the restroom door opening.

The edges were turning dark and he thought "this is it" before giggling and closing his eyes, welcoming the fuzzy dark it gave him. "Get away from him!" yelled a voice sweet as honey and just as thick, as steps approached, and a loud sound of contact rung out in the echoing room just before the grip on his hair disappeared. Everything went very dim for a moment, before a hard stomp on his arm sent pain through his whole body in a bolt.

Everything became so clear before him as he realized what was happening, no longer trapped in the delusions of his unstable mind. But he couldn't look away from those warm, beautiful, molten chocolate eyes. Hate, that's the first thing he noticed- was it directed at him? Perhaps not, the other thing he noticed was worry. Why should he be worried?

Suddenly he found himself falling into memories as he met icy blue eyes, they were filled with venom, but as his mind drifted and Mark was pulled from him they turned warm. "I promise baby, I'll be so gentle... just trust me, alright?" The accent was faint within that whisper, he was pulled into a hug by the man kneeling in front of him, his gaze finding the pale blue walls that he remembered from his old home once.

It didn't take him long to realize what he was remembering as the blond hovering over him pulled him into a sweet slow kiss, and then into another full of vigor and passion, his was before he'd scrawled the walls with black ink and painted over it in green before he was to move. It was before he had taken to being a snarky asshole, full of sarcasm and violent aggression.

It was before, in fact, he'd become a whore to pay for all the drugs he  _didn't_ do, for the alcohol he used to pass it off or give it reason. It was before he met the friends he'd soon lose, before he would be kicked out of school and transferred, twice. It was when he knew 'Fe', before he'd come to call Felix 'master', before he gave another human being the right to his entire being- his entire body, his entire mind. All his unconditional affection and care, naive trust, and unbearable innocence. It wasn't the first time he relived this memory, and despite it's nature, it was one of his favorites. Not as high on the list since he met Mark, but still a top pick.

He gasped as he felt Fe's teeth graze his collar bone, moving even lower pressing tiny kisses as he went and Sean ran his fingers through the other's hair. Fe's tongue darted out, swirling around his nipple and coaxing it to harden, before taking it into his moist mouth and sucking, Sean's back arching forward into him. He bit slightly earning a gasp and a tug on his hair forcing him to pull away and his hot breath to run over the bare torso before him.

Every nerve in his body was alight, the soft breath of his past lover was so warm and it made his skin tingle, it  _felt_ like welcome, it  _felt_ like belonging somewhere. In this foreign world, alone by the side of the only other gay male he'd ever met, also thrust into this ridiculous country-  _America_. He was what Heaven looked like in a man he'd long since decided, pale fingers with short cut fingernails dragging down his side, leaving paths to unknown places that felt like where ever he touched  _glowed_.

It glowed with love, it glowed with  _Felix_ , and for weeks, months, he would look in the mirror and see all the _thousands_ of trails crossing over his body, glowing bright whites, pale yellows, and baby blues, positively screaming  _Felix was here_. He remembered when that feeling was the most amazing in the world, what let him sleep at night when the night terrors tore at his mind, standing bare to his full body mirror and tracing the marks that Felix left him with printed into his skin like ink.

Back then he'd never guess that those marks of light and trails of love, leading to his own personal place in a world of wonder and enlightenment, would turn to harsh gnarled scars that no longer shrieked reassurance but instead whispered words of shame, over and over and  _over_ they would say-  _Felix was here, Felix did this to me, I let Felix do this to me, Felix was here, Felix was here._

When Felix lifted his head he looked like a god, pale face in the light of the morning appearing to glow in contrast to his messy golden hair and blue eyes that would make him appear as an angel, so perfect in his mind then. Cold, icy, disturbing even, that was what Felix's eyes looked like to him now, his whole image was stained and it was  _disgusting_ how a simple porcelain doll could have so much blood seeping out of their eyes and so much gore on their hands.

At that moment he was full of anticipation less than anxiety, excited and a bit giddy, and he could tell by the laugh that tinkled like silver bells that Felix graced him with, that it showed in his doe eyes and grin so wide it might split his face. A smooth hand reached behind his neck, rubbing there for a moment and playing with the tiny hairs on the back of his neck before moving up and caressing his scalp lovingly, spreading those trails of light.

He personally was very unsure of himself, shakily reaching a hand towards Felix and brushing his palm over the other man's flawless skin, over his cheek and brushing his thumb over gorgeous pink lips from which the sound of beauty flowed. His head spun with every kiss those perfect lips left him with, every sigh and hum between them as they tried in a horribly cheesy way to share their love stealing a bit of his breath and bestowing it upon Felix.

He pulled away to catch his breath, resting his forehead on his lover's shoulder and inhaling deeply, the purity of the moment filling him with a shrill energy he'd never thought to exist. He felt so hot, as if he were in a snowsuit in a desert, but every point their skin made contact Felix's skin felt like a nice bucket of ice. He felt soft hands move down to settle on his hips and he remembered Felix asking if he were okay, if he was sure.

He remembered Felix telling him,  _"It's okay to say no, you know. I don't care if this never happens- if we never have sex."_ to which he nodded softly, and Felix whispered into his ear,  _"I just want to be with you, for as long as you want me- and, hell, even if you don't want me."_ He never could think of something as sappy or as sweet to use as a come back to that, he didn't even have his intense sass yet at that point.

With his confirmation promising Felix that he wanted this, they both took to undoing each other's belts and undressing the rest of the way, and he watched while Felix stepped away from him. He was suddenly more insecure about his body than he'd ever been, under Felix's eye it was like being under the judgement of god, under the judgement of an angel sent to purify him.

 _"God you're so..."_ Felix had breathed, his eyes dragging down the image of Jack in front of him and leaving the smaller male with goosebumps,  _"so beautiful."_ He said nothing, afraid of breaking what ever kind of peace this was, while Felix was quick to reach him and take the doubts from his mind with a kiss. Of course, from that point on it was awkward as hell, he'd never thought of the specifics of it all while Felix clearly had.

Often thinking back to that memory had made him very self conscious of how he was too clumsy, too eager, trying to jump to the chase and it didn't work out. Felix was much more elegant than he was in initiating anything, kissing among other things he much later knew him capable of. When Felix had gotten the lubricant and condom was when he started feeling tense, of course he knew it wasn't going to start out easy, and that only made him tense as all hell.

Felix had noticed almost immediately the change in his posture and the tensing of his muscles under his skin, placing the condom and lube on the night stand and making sure he made it a easy for Jack as he could manage, asking him to lie down on the bed and relax. He did as he was asked silently, without complaint or worry, simply shifted over to lie down with his hands palm down a short distance away from his sides and his feet slightly apart.

When Felix got on the bed he made it a point to mention that he would need to relax or it would be harder, and he went through a serious of unexpected motions, starting with picking up one of Jack's feet and starting to massage it. He switched feet and repeated this, then moving to rubbing his palms up the outer side of his shins, fingers brushing up his shins all the way to behind his knees.

He pressed a kiss to each knee before pausing and trailing kisses up the inside of his thigh, switching sides and repeating the action, stopping short and pulling back to run patterns and designs over Jack's torso like a blank canvas that was begging for him to paint something beautiful in the image he see fit. Felix ran his hands over his shoulders and down his arms when he was finally relaxed, taking one of his hands while the other hand went back up and then down his chest, painting an invisible trail down his abdomen.

He could practically hear his heartbeat it was beating so loud, and he wondered for a moment if Fe would hear it, but he forced himself to be calm and patient. He took a sharp intake of breath when he felt Felix's fingers around his erection, and forced his tensed muscles to relax again and focus on the feeling while his lover started a slow movement. Felix pressed kisses on his hip and trailed down to the inside of his thigh again while his hand motions sped up, driving Jack mad with the feeling of it.

When he really started making noise was when those nimble fingers were replaced with a warm dampness that he'd never felt anything like before, sparks igniting in his stomach and his back arching into Felix slightly. His thoughts couldn't find a place to focus apparently, and he had no idea how this was supposed to be relaxing, flexing his fingers while he grasped and let go of the sheets beneath him.

He started to feel like a pressure was building, but before it got too far Felix stopped, causing a whine to come from Jack's lips at the sudden cold air on his once again exposed skin. The memory, as vivid as it was in his mind, began to fade from him. Instead he found himself sitting in Felix's old home, baby blue painted walls staring back at him while he sat across the hall from Fe, who handed him his weed to take a drag.

It was probably only the third time he and Felix had done this, though he suspected that the other had more history of it, he made Jack look inexperienced and clumsy in comparison. He always hated that about himself, he wanted to be elegant like his love, but no matter how he tried to train himself to be it never happened. He felt the high kick in, as if gears were just waking up in his mind after resting as though in coma for years, and the memory once again faded into another.

He remembered the first time he'd been instructed by Felix to sit on his knees on the floor before the foot of his lover's bed, void of his shirt and Felix's fingers running over his back, up into his hair and back down while he whispered unintelligible things in his native tongue into Jack's ear. He remembered whispering back quietly his own home land language, what little of it he knew, describing how he felt of Felix even if he knew the other would never understand.

His heart felt heavy in that moment, and that night with all the pain and at the same time the  _pleasure_ he felt, he started feeling resentment towards Felix. A feeling reserved for the ones he loved that stirred something dark in him, and yet Felix would never understand how much he was  _hated_ , because of how he was always more elegant, more beautiful, how  _perfect_ he had been compared to Jack.  _Compared to anything_ , he used to say, long before he met Mark.

His memories drifted into that of the ones that held Mark- many more of them treasured than the one's he shared with Felix, this one happened to be when he had a high fever and Mark brought him soup and of course his  _love_ to make him feel better. Logically it hadn't healed his illness, but he did feel better, he always did with Mark there. He remembered when he'd gotten in a fight with Wade once in school, one of the many days Mark hadn't been there.

It had been over something so stupid- a joke, something about Mark and him of course, but Wade often spread rumors and he wouldn't let them get far. Needless to say Wade got a sharp upper cut, Jack got a black eye and a nasty black bruise on his side, and Wade had a bruise on his neck from him being pinned there with Jack's arm. Probably more than that too, but nothing that Jack could see, where Wade hid injuries and inquired that he was okay, he sported his own like trophies.

It was like sending a universal message:  _Fight me, come at me, if you dare._ Or, more accurately  _I will win. You. Will lose._ Nobody asked him about the bruises, if anything, despite how small he was, they made him look more intimidating. Mark didn't really believe the same as the others, though, and he remembered the one time he came face-to-face with him in the middle of the hallway and they just stood there glaring at each other, if there was ever a moment when Jack wanted to give them away by kissing him, it was then.

There was something about the defiance they had that gave him an energy unlike anything else, it made him feel like he could run- like he could move- faster than before, like he was stronger than he'd ever thought, like he was more beautiful than even the god-like Felix. It must be the warmth of love that Mark buried so deep in his sneer, that look of desire and pride- pride in  _him_ though nobody else knew it, it made him feel like he'd never felt love before.

Maybe he hadn't ever felt  _real_ love before Mark, and that was the tragedy because he kept letting him down, he'd never let Felix down before but that supposedly wasn't real love and this was. It was like he was giving Mark reasons to leave, like he was screaming insults at the man about all the things he was sensitive about, and he just came back every time and stole Jack's breath with a million kisses.

He remembered the night Mark had proposed to him, holding hands tightly while Jack admired the beautiful band of silver on his finger, tears streaming silently down their faces while they savored what few seconds that were left in such a beautiful wonder to become such a bitter sweet memory. He briefly felt guilt and shame sink in his stomach and dread weigh his back, staring at that beautiful silver light on his hand, feeling bad that it would be stained with the dark thoughts and feelings Felix had instilled in him with that ring on his finger, and the blood he'd stained it with on his own.

And that was it, while Mark was fighting Jack was dying. Felix kept driving him on, while Mark fought desperately to get to the fading Jack, his world beginning to go dim again. He couldn't hold himself up anymore, and had long since lay down his head back on the cold tile flooring, the luminescent lights above him catching his eye as they appeared to swirl before him. With a breath, he found himself within dreams, for when he would wake... he may never know.

Then, it all faded to nothing, there was nothing left of him, but the silver ring that belonged to his lover.


	10. Eight Years Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was his fault. Eight years ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> edit;; I'm gifting this story- specifically this final chapter- to some of the people who inspire me. Thank you guys dearly! And please go check out the authors I'm gifting this to!!
> 
> This one gets a little weird, and might be a little inaccurate (don't hurt me, I was being loyal to a character dammit!) but I hope the ending is worth it for you guys. Been a long time coming.
> 
> I rewrote this many times, for so long- SO. LONG.  
> When I was doing Chapter 9 I was like "I know how to end this!" but when I actually got to writing Chapter 10, I realized I didn't know how to get it there- How do I write 2000+ words of filler? A lot of rewriting I'll tell you what, but I did eventually, if really late, come back around to this. It felt wrong unfinished, and as frustrated as I was, I did it. I got it done.
> 
> I know, I know it's been almost two years... and I'm really sorry. Really, really sorry. But I hope it's worth it, I dearly hope it's been worth it, all the work, all the trial and error, all the time I made you guys wait.
> 
> I think the thing that helped most was getting back into roleplay, I really wanted to write but I felt like all my ideas were dead ends for all my stories here, and then I picked up roleplaying again, and it was like a flood of motivation!
> 
> Yes, this also means my other stories are also in progress- "For Granted", "Septicide", "I Hear You" being some of my favorites/most popular, have WIP drafts for their next chapters that I wont be posting until they're finished (obviously). I hope I can make it up to you guys for my time away!
> 
> Love, -Vera

"Mr. McLoughlin? You're going to need to tell me why you did this," A voice spoke to his left. He just sat still and stared forward to the light blue painted wall ahead of him, refusing to move his gaze from the one spot. "Jack. I can't help you until you tell me what happened," she spoke firmly. God, he wished she'd stop talking, or at least stop bringing it up, the flash backs... He knew they weren't flash backs, they were hallucinations and delusions, created by his tormented mind. The- for a lack of a better word- hallucinations were worse than the actual memories, of course he knew what happened and he knew it wasn't as bad as he was making it. Hell, it wasn't the first time, either. He shouldn't have expected anything less than a twisted monster out of Felix Kjellberg, though he knew saying that was wrong- at least, before it was.

Before he'd almost...  _wanted_ it. He definitely provoked it more times that he wanted to admit to, but he was drunk most of the time and high all the other times, and sometimes he was both. He wasn't an idiot, he knew that didn't count as  _consent_ in any form of the word and not even Felix could twist his words on that, it didn't matter if he wanted it at the time because he always regretted it immediately after. Always.  _That's not his fault though, is it?_ He sighed internally, and suddenly his eyes snapped open again- had he drifted off? The woman to his left was still talking, and with irritation he turned a glare towards her. "Excuse me, could you shut the fuck up?" He snapped.

"I- uh," She stammered, eyes wide in surprise as he glared, unblinking, directly at her. "Th- this is good! This is pr- right, sorry, uh..." She stammered, and he closed his eyes in irritation, turning his head forward again. He heard her sigh in frustration, writing avidly on her clipboard. "Look," She started, receiving a sharp exhale from him. "If you don't talk, Sean, they're going to send you to a home." His eyes snapped open, panic fluttering in his chest, he turned to look at her again. She looked generally regretful, standing now and fidgeting with her pen. "A-and, and I don't mean send you to  _your_ home, I mean send you to a mental support group- a group home." He blinked, stunned, his heartbeat picking up speed.

A group home? Did they think he was sick? The idea made him  _feel_ a little sick, his stomach fluttering in discomfort, and he looked from the ground where his gaze had wandered back up to her face. "What do I need to say?" He tried to say it as more as a snap, but it came out in a bit of a whimper. He watched her stare at him cautiously, almost guarded, and slowly return to her chair. "I need you to tell me why you attempted-" He swallowed hard, trying to resist a physical flinch as she said the word, "-suicide." He brought his knees up to his chest, another hallucination catching his mind but he forced it to the back of his mind, repressing it. "I felt worthless. Is that all you need?" He begged, hoping she would accept it and leave. "If that were all Sean, you would have done it a long time ago. I'm a psychologist, and I have access to all your past files."

"Now, tell me the truth. Tell me what _happened,_ what provoked you to feel worthless?" His heart sank into his stomach and he raised his shoulders in discomfort, which she seemed to observed and write about on her clipboard. With a shuddering breath, he braced himself to explain a whole world of his horrors to her.  _Is this is? Is it time to finally talk about it?_ He paused. "Do you know what happened to Mark Fischbach and-" He swallowed, "A-and Fe-"

"Felix Kjellberg?" He shuttered, nodding quietly and looking back to the ground, picking up the sound of a scribbling pencil. "I talked to both of them already actually. Mr. Fischbach seemed confused, in the least, but he told me that he couldn't be sure of what really happened so I'd have to hear it from you. And Mr. Kjellberg..." He noticed her make a face from the corner of his eye. "Told some...  _stories_ , ones I'm not sure I believe." She finished slowly, looking uncomfortable in her seat. "I wouldn't." He spoke coolly, shifting his position to sit cross-legged, hands in his lap. 

Jack stared at his hands, twisting the small silver band around his finger. "Did you know I was supposed to be engaged?" A soft smile crossed his face as he played with the ring, and he saw her shake her head from the corner of his eye, keeping quiet to listen to him and give him the space and time he needed to think and explain. "Yeah. To Mark- Mark Fischbach- actually. That's where things went wrong," He continued.

"We had an engagement party, invited anyone who would come. F-Felix... came to the party. So did an old friend of Mark's, Aaron mm... I don't think I got his last name actually. Felix used to be uh, a..." He paused, trying to think of an appropriate word for it. What did Felix used to be? Felix used to be his boyfriend, and then his drug dealer and boot, and then his... what? Fuckbuddy? That's not a word he was willing to use, he had too much self respect.  _Do I have_ any _self respect?_ He mused to himself in realization. "He was... maybe I should go further back than that night," He sighed, realizing the context would be strange, and that he'd be putting a lot of people in bad places if he explained from there. "Felix and I were in a... a sort of relationship, we were both transfer students. It was like home away from home with him, so I clung to that. And I really did like the guy, it wasn't like I was  _using_ him or anything," Was he? "But then he moved schools again, and I got transferred again because I may or may not have... hurt somebody."

He was rambling, stalling. "We ended up in the same school again, but this time there was Mark- and he was like, an angel. An irritating, aggravating, annoying... he was too perfect, I thought- _thought_ \- I hated him. He was a good guy with good grades and people liked him, and I was a... rebel, I guess, at first anyways. I'm- I was, part of a party crowd." He snorted to himself, he usually just kind of showed up, was never really friends with anyone there. "Felix and I weren't really together after he left the first school but uh, we hooked up again as soon as we were in the same space alone." He shifted his weight again. "Um, literally."

"When Mark and I became a thing it was an accident- a uh, a kind of run in. I was high- I usually was." He almost laughed, but the lump in his throat made it sound more like a cough. "But because of my lifestyle and Fe... I mean,  _Felix_ \- I wasn't very loyal. It was usually Felix." She wasn't even writing anything at that point, just staring at him intently and listening to him talk. It was a little disturbing and comforting at the same time, really. "I did- eventually- clean up my act though. It was after that when Mark proposed, and we decided to throw a party..." Memories of that night filled his throat with acid, gave him a faint headache, and made his blood boil. "I was tricked, I was drugged," The more he talked, the more he felt the pressure of angry tears at his eyes. "Felix took me to his car, to his house- he  _kidnapped_ me and he-" His words came to a halt. He couldn't say it.

Somehow the words were easy in his head, but saying them was too painful. He knew what it was and he knew what he should call it, he knew that he should tell her but he also knew the taxing future there would be for him if he told her the truth. He didn't deserve that, and knowing why it had been done in the first place he felt that maybe Felix didn't deserve it either, he held his tongue. "I... He... Felix... Um." He paused, trying to think of a quickly constructed lie that wouldn't contradict anything he'd said. "I was drugged, but I took advantage of the situation. It was wrong. It wasn't Fe's fault, he just... He loved me." He finished softly.

"I don't think all of what you've told me is true, Sean. Who drugged you? What did Felix do? From what you've told me, about him drugging you and abducting you, he's already broken the law." She wrote some notes quickly on the clipboard before resting her pen on it. She stared hard at him until he met her gaze, eyes wary and dull. "Take all the time you need, but you need to say it, even though I think I already know what's happened here." He fidgeted for a bit looking at his fingers, then held a hand out to her, looking at the clip board. With a moment of pause and confusion, she pulled her page out of the clip board revealing a few pristine blank pages and handed it to him along with the pen. With a deep breath and a weak, shaky hand, he wrote the truth to her. He wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to say it out loud, even with time. He knew it wasn't okay, he knew it was wrong, and he couldn't validate it but...

 _It was my fault, it was because of me. He used to be my Felix, I used to be..._ With a shuddering breath he shoved the clipboard towards her, averting his gaze. She took it, stood, thanked him for his time, and left. He sat alone, staring at the floor, and then turned over and tried to sleep.

* * *

 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Mark exclaimed, face white as a sheet, he held Jack's hand tightly between his. The panic and horror on his face was evident, and it made Jack feel all kinds of ill. "Would you have?" He muttered.

"Yes! Yes, of course I would have! Or, the police at least!" He said hysterically, giving Jack's hands a squeeze.

"W- well... well- shut up... I don't know. I don't feel like..."  _I don't feel like he deserved it._ Despite it, he still blamed himself for all of Felix's actions, and he really truly felt it was his fault. He should have been better to Mark all along, and he shouldn't have trailed Felix along like he did, he'd used him. Not only did he use him for sex, he had used Felix to get Mark's attention, it was him- Jack was the one who was sick.

"Well, are you going to press charges?" Mark pressed, staring intently into Jack's averted face. He lifted his chin in surprise, "No, of course not!" He felt a wave of regret, that wasn't a good response. Mark looked angry, furious even- it was terrifying, it was... hot. He made a face in his own regret  _and_ disgust at himself, shifting his weight to lean forward a little.  _That's embarrassing,_ he remarked to himself. "Look man, I just want this to be over." He sighed. "And he can't go near me anyways so what does it matter? I'll never see him again." Mark leaned back on his bed, crossing his arms and frowning. Jack stared at Mark, bare chested in PJs, his hair a beautiful mess that Jack desperately wanted to run his fingers through. It was a weird jump, the topic they'd just been on was one that made both of them very uncomfortable, but Jack felt like maybe he was moving past it. It was the first time he'd seen Mark in months, when he'd defended Jack against Felix while Jack lay on the floor bleeding.

Though, he figured it must be less that he was moving past it and more that it was just...  _Mark._ He licked his lips, staring intently, lost in thought. He trusted Mark more than anything, more than his own blood and definitely more than himself. That was probably why- if it had been anyone else in his place, he might not be so...  _eager_. He knew what kind of trauma most people had going through this, and he'd certainly had his fair share of that, but it almost bothered him that Mark still got him worked up just by existing. Shouldn't it be harder than this?  _But what if it is_ _,_ he realized, sitting back slightly and bringing his knees up a little.  _What if I try something thinking I really am fine, and I freak out?_ It was logical that something like that would happen, and it was a logical fear, but to be honest... he was a little desperate.  _I shouldn't be._ Was he really guilting himself about being sexually attracted to Mark still? He had thought it would be just as traumatizing then as it was when it happened, but he was being ridiculous.

Mark audibly sighed, reaching one hand up and lifting his back to stretch, reaching his other hand down his side and pushing the waistband of his PJs down his hip to scratch an itch.  _Oh god._ Jack immediately plunked his head down onto the mattress, closing his eyes.  _What do I do?_ _What would he think of me?_ "Jack, are you okay?" Mark asked, looking down at him while he continued to scratch, his back flat on the bed again but his other hand now embedded in his crown of fluff.  _I'm being ridiculous aren't I? Would he even care that I'm so easily willing to jump back into it? He loves me, doesn't he? He could always say no... wait. Couldn't he? Would he not because of everything? Oh god why is life complicated._ He was a mix in between being horny and very emotionally conflicted, how would he deal with this?

 _What if I rile him up too? Then, if he wants to, he can initiate it. He usually does, or used to, anyway._ With that in mind, he carefully maneuvered onto his stomach on the bed and removed his shirt, casting it to the other side of the room. Mark looked confused, looking over to the thermostat on the wall next to his bed. "Is it hot in here or something?" He questioned, placing his hands behind his head.  _It is now,_ Jack joked to himself, giving Mark a soft smile. "Yeah,  _really_. I'd like to touch you without you know, melting."  _Was that too innuendo-y?_ He shrugged it off as a  _maybe_ , and army crawled his way up the bed to sling an arm across Mark's stomach. He saw Mark visibly tense his stomach and look down curiously to Jack's face. He just smiled politely, looking away and resting his head on Mark's chest, running his fingers up and down his bare skin. He heard Mark inhale a little sharply as his fingers went down a little further than could be called innocent, and he fluttered his fingers over the ridge of Mark's hip. He threw a leg over one of Mark's, resting it between them gently, and shifting his knee slightly over Mark's crotch, trying to get some kind of reaction.

Jack shifted his hips back a bit, away from Mark so he might not notice that Jack was aroused, and looked up into his warm brown eyes curiously. And there it was, the warm helpless gaze and teeth worrying his bottom lip. He pressed his knee up a little and felt Mark's breath quicken, smiling up at him, and it seemed to dawn on Mark suddenly. He looked surprised, and then suddenly confused, concerned, and worried, and then... conflicted. "Jack, I know what you're doing, but I don't think you really want this." He argued, taking a lot of effort to keep his voice level. Jack stopped what he was doing and leaned back a little, closing his eyes to think- clearly, without Mark distracting him. He tried to ignore his erection in the process of that thinking.  _Do I want this?_ He really, seriously pondered it. Yes, he was attracted to Mark, and he knew what it would be like. _It wouldn't be like Felix,_ his stomach lurched at the thought of the man's name.

He imagined Mark, arms pinned above his head, spread bare beneath him. He imagined soft kisses- then he imagined rough ones, which made his stomach flutter... but not in the way he expected. In a good way. He imagined Mark on his knees in front of him, and pushing him down with a hand between his shoulder blades, pressing him to the bed- his hips flush to Mark's ass and his other hand gripping Mark's hip. He could feel himself panting, pressing his hand on his erection as he got a little  _too_ into the fantasy. "Oh yeah, oh  _god_ yeah I want this. I really-" He opened his eyes and sat up, throwing his leg over to the other side of Mark's legs, straddling him. " _-really-_ " He ground his hips hard down onto Mark's, pressing their erections together only separated by fabric "-really want this." He finished, almost in a whimper. Mark looked choked and lost for words, but Jack didn't give him the time to catch up, already undoing his own belt buckle and pulling it through the loops on his jeans, moving on to the button and zipper as he tossed the black belt across the room with his shirt.

He pressed one hand to Mark's erection and heard him gasp and groan, leaning his head back, while Jack attempted to grope him with one hand and remove his pants with the other. It was a difficult task, but he managed to pull off his jeans- thankfully not skinny jeans today- and boxers, and immediately began stroking himself. He let out a gasp of relief, it was almost painful how pent up he was. With a sigh of happiness, he gave it a rest to quickly remove Mark's pants and underwear in one fluid movement, before moving up to grasp their erections together. He gently thrust against his hand and Mark's cock as he stroked them together, already lost in the motions. Mark's back arched off the bed and he breathed heavily, grasping and ungrasping the bedspread beneath him, unsure of what to do with his hands. Jack knew exactly how to occupy them.

He stopped in his motions, keeping their erections pressed together as he reached for Mark's hand. Mark whined, and Jack brought Mark's hand to his mouth, taking a second to salivate before giving it a good, wet lick, and positioning his hand around their cocks. Mark immediately picked off where they left off, Jack let out a long breath, before leaning forward and wrapping one hand in Mark's hair. He used his other hand to play with Mark's left nipple, using his mouth to pleasure his right. Mark's thumb passed over the head of his dick and made Jack lurch slightly, biting down a little on his nipple and receiving a moan in response. He felt his dick twitch at the sound, and mumbled "oh god" around the nipple in his mouth, sucking on it and rousing it with his tongue. Mark's grasp tightened, and he began to pump his hand faster, his other hand gripping Jack's hip with a bruising strength. Jack loved it.

Mark's breath quickened, and as Jack was nearing his peak as well, he forced Mark's hand to a stop- giving Mark's nipple one last hard suck before sitting up and forcing himself to calm his breathing a little. His dick was sensitive and twitching a little, but he tried not to let that desperation get to him, he was enjoying this too much for it to be over so soon. "Turn over." Jack spoke gruffly, getting off Mark so he could turn. Mark went onto his hands and knees in front of Jack, and he felt a tingle run all the way down to his dick, taking a sharp breath. He got onto his knees behind Mark, pushing as close as he could with his knees in between Mark's. Jack pressed his right hand in between Mark's shoulder blades, forcing his hands out from under him ad pushing his face into the bed, and grasped Mark's left hip with his other hand. He let out a slow breath as he continued to try and reel himself back from the edge, gently pushing his hips forward to meet Mark's soft ass, rubbing his length between the cheeks. He slowly used his hips to rub against him more, a feeling rising in his chest as he struggled not to get overwhelmed.

Jack pressed his tip against Mark, teasing him slightly. He wanted it badly, but he knew they wouldn't do this dry, and he wasn't going to do that to Mark... again. He shuffled backwards a bit, gathering saliva in his mouth before pressing his tongue gently against Mark's asshole. He wiggled it slightly, applying gentle pressure until it slid past the ring of muscles. He pressed his face closer, reaching a little deeper with his tongue. He swirled his tongue around a little before beginning a slow thrust, he reached his foot over the side of the bed using his hands for balance and used his toes to slide a shoebox from under the bed. He pulled away, sucking two fingers into his mouth to coat them with saliva before gently pressing one into Mark's asshole. He continued the thrusting motion a little faster now, and used his free hand to pull the box onto the bed and open it. He gently slid a second finger in, spreading his fingers apart slightly at different angles to try and stretch him, and grabbing a tube of lube from the box. He held his breath as he poured some onto his dick, using his right hand to spread it around while he continued to finger Mark with his left. Mark looked a little lost, drooling and staring into space in his bliss.

For all Jack knew, he was thinking of puppies- he chuckled at the thought- Mark tended to think of weird shit during sex. He withdrew his fingers and covered them thick with his saliva again before pushing them back in, spreading the liquid with a few quick thrusts before removing his fingers and immediately pressing his cock into Mark's ass, balls-deep, in one quick motion. Mark gave a shout of surprise and a whimper, followed by a hum, before moaning low and loud as Jack began to move. Jack started a slow rhythm, gripping Mark's hips tightly and pulling Mark back against him. It felt like butterflies had spread throughout his body, he felt like he was drowning in the pleasure, forgetting to stay sane as a small stream of drool poured from the corner of his mouth onto Mark's back, cool and clear against his beautiful golden skin. With a thought, Jack pulled back slowly and slammed into him, earning a sharp almost girly moan, reaching forward and raking his nails down Mark's back. He watched tiny red lines rise across his bare skin, and heard Mark begin to pant almost heavily, he waited a moment before bringing his other hand back and smacking Mark right on the ass, watching him squirm and feeling a hot wave pass through him.

Jack began a rhythm of quicker, harder thrusts, gripping one of Mark's butt cheeks with a bruising grip, and groping it to hear Mark groan. He watched Mark squirm, reaching a hand down his own stomach to jerk himself while Jack fucked him. "That's right, touch yourself, touch yourself for me!" He gave Mark's ass another smack.  _I think I'm getting too into this._ He stopped just as he was approaching orgasm again, pulling out and pushing Mark over onto his back and pulling his wrists together to pin him. He spread Mark's legs and lay down on top of him, pushing his hips upward and thrusting into him again, thrusting as fast as he could. He grabbed Mark's erection in his hand, hot and throbbing, and gave it short quick strokes just below the head. Mark threw his head backwards, fringe sticking to his face with sweat. "Oh god, Jack! Please, god, please..." He whimpered, grasping at Jack's shoulders and hips. He felt a wave of pleasure hit him, his thrusts faltering and he felt climax slipping away from him.  _No!_ He cried internally, desperate to finish, he thrust in short quick motions, trying to get it back. He was hanging on the edge when the wave of pleasure hit again and he used it to give a hard thrust, angling himself upward and hearing Mark cry out and then dissolve in moans and broken mumbles, he must have found his prostate. He kept the angle and kept slamming hard against the spot, watching Mark squirm, losing his mind, then came a wave of hot and cold as he shot hot spurts of cum into Mark, and watched Mark tremble as he came as well, strands of white reaching all the way to his shoulder and face. Jack pulled out gently and collapsed on top of Mark, Mark's cum sticking to his lightly haired chest and his neck.

"You know, this might be a bad time to ask," Mark started, his voice a low cracked grumble. "but Jack, will you marry me?"

"Shut up, it's perfect," Jack snorted, starting to get uncomfortable as the cum dried. "and I already said yes."

* * *

He awoke with a sharp gasp, sitting up in bed with a boner and tears pouring from his eyes. The room he was in didn't look like the one he went to sleep in, it was nice and fancy- a master bedroom, with a private bathroom and a walk in closet it looked like. Framed pictures line the surfaces and walls, posters in between them. A computer desk sat in the corner, and the PC glowed and hummed on top of it, the monitor dark. He looked over to see a man with olive gold skin, long dark eyelashes, and disheveled long-ish dark hair. His face was warm but worn, eyes edged with crows feet and the edges of his mouth wrinkled from smiling. He snored slightly, but stirred as one of Sean's tears dripped on his face. "Shit- shit! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," Sean rambled quietly, the man's beautiful brown eyes fluttering and looking up at him with nothing but love. After a moment of thought, Sean panicked. "Felix-!" He began, and watched a look of pain cross the man's face. "Died eight years ago today, sweetheart..." His low voice rumbled, still riddled with sleep. Sean's heart sank, and after a moment he sat up straight, rubbing the tears from his eyes and looking down to his hands, both adorned with rings, both on his ring finger of either hand- bright, and silver.

He slowly looked up and stared straight forward to the pictures on the dresser not too far from the foot of the bed, close enough for him to see without his glasses- he wore glasses! There he saw himself and the man beside him, but much younger, maybe ten or fifteen years ago, adorned in white suits decorated with white roses, each grinning in each other's arms. In some of them, Felix stood beside a beautiful, small girl with long straight hair. "We're married." It dawned on him- it was a dream, it had all been a dream. He heard Mark chuckle behind him, muffled as the man turned his head into his pillow and shuffled to get comfy. "Are you really going to have to come to realize that every day? It's been thirteen years, our kids have moved out!" He blinked, looking around to the pictures to see a couple of small... ish... children, and with a sigh, he slowly lied back on the bed. "Go back to sleep hun. You'll need lot's of rest if we're going to travel to Europe to visit your family for the holidays." Another tear slid down his face as he stared at the ceiling. Of course, the holidays, how could he have forgotten.

It really was just a dream.

 


End file.
